tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-51066660043892871872024-02-19T01:47:25.121-06:00Feigning Middle Class in SuburbiaWhat I've learned from an Unofficial Cohort of Frugal Mentors
on my road to living life fully with less money.Simple Sanityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05567547048310310691noreply@blogger.comBlogger94125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5106666004389287187.post-91196463893650603632016-03-17T14:51:00.000-05:002017-04-04T14:44:23.231-05:00Kelly and Her Camera<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Hello Faithful FMC Peeps!<br />
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I've started something new! I am at a stage of life where it is time to embrace what I am passionate about, especially travel, writing, and photography. I am so excited (and a little nervous) but so ready!<br />
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If you'd like to follow my new stuff, it will be on travel and events around Chicagoland and the world... Check out the blog portion and/or follow me on my business Facebook Page.<br />
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<span style="text-align: center;">Peace and love and light to all of you! And thanks for reading!!</span><br />
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<a href="https://kellyandhercamera.com/"><span style="color: purple; font-size: large;">kellyandhercamera.com/</span></a></div>
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Simple Sanityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05567547048310310691noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5106666004389287187.post-13776898448759003292015-12-14T11:16:00.000-06:002015-12-14T11:27:11.672-06:00On a Boat<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">In the National Gallery in DC - by Thomas Cole - the Voyage of Life</td></tr>
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Processing unwanted change is such a surreal experience. It is all so disconcerting and bizarre. We all recognize that life can be brutal but when everything collides it knocks the wind out of you. Lemony Snicket is a children's author that my daughter loved and he puts things so well:</div>
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<span style="color: #666666; font-family: inherit;">It is a curious thing, the death of a loved one. We all know that our time in this world is limited, and that eventually all of us will end up underneath some sheet, never to wake up. And yet it is always a surprise when it happens to someone we know. It is like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark, and thinking there is one more stair than there is. Your foot falls down, through the air, and there is a sickly moment of dark surprise as you try and readjust the way you thought of things.</span></blockquote>
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Regaining one's sea-legs during and after a storm isn't all that easy. Especially when the storm is unrelenting and from all different angles and you have no idea where to start bailing the water first. I guess you could spend the time green and hanging your head over the side of the boat or you could run around all over, trying to steady the boat or you could plop yourself down cross-legged in the middle of the wood floor... or I guess you could try to pretend you are Life of Pi... I tried them all in wild succession (except the Life of Pi) but eventually settled into quarantining myself, reading copious amounts of books, upping my red wine intake, planing lots of travel, and I doing every house project possible. </div>
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So, I've read from Diamant & Larsson to Brene & Glennon and then to Fey & Pohler. I've organized closets & the garage, repainted, updated bedrooms & bathrooms, and when those were done, my husband started pulling everything out of the basement and tearing out paneling from 1962. I asked him to stop. I told him that it was too much and that I just needed to sit in a corner, I needed order not chaos... but he kept going. And he was right. For the next months, we cleaned and built and dry-walled a little guest room, storage room, and revised play area. We would just turn on the music and sort, organize, run electrical, prep walls.</div>
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It was all even more therapeutic because we were doing good. We were using the skills that my dad had taught us and we were building a room where we could give anyone who needed rest a bed. His beloved wife could stay at anytime. It took us all summer because we hired out for almost none of the work. We took our time and worked at it until we were done. Each step was a clear path: After everything was out, we needed to frame the new walls, and then run electrical, and then put up drywall... there were no real decisions to make (except how many outlets, and let me tell you, 10 in a room that is not quite 10 x 10, might be too many).</div>
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The rough waters raged on, but we huddled and nested away. That made sense to me, but then a couple more storms hit and I found that I couldn't always just stay in my corner. I needed to go out and survey the damage, and maybe check on a couple of the other people on the boat... <i>and at this point, I'm not sure why I started with a boat analogy because I'm from the midwest and I've never actually been on a boat in much of a storm and even when I was, I could always see safety and land... and admittedly, I haven't read Life of Pi and I fell asleep during the movie.... but it is too late now. I've started with the boat... and I'll see it through.</i></div>
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This getting out with the storm not yet over, checking the damage, and patching some areas until I am ready to fix them is a new part of processing. I'm not even sure what direction we are headed or if we even want to go in the same direction we were heading before all of the storms of unwanted change. Like some of our route was initially because the wind and currents were taking us that direction and there was very little need to fight it. We need to head for new land and even if our geography doesn't change-- our life and world-view will. Because unwanted change does that to a person and a family. It isn't just about me... it needs to be about us...</div>
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Things that took our time and energy and attention seem like they may need to be refocused, not just in the wake of our own heart-break but when surveying the pervasive brokenness all around. So we are slowly peeking out to check the damage and regrouping and trying to find where we are, what needs to be fixed, and what needs to be thrown over-board... and eventually maybe where we should go from here... because it is okay for now, but in the big picture, one thing I do know is that I'm not real thrilled with just bobbing around... so we will move on... just beyond that cliff... and those rapids... where a couple of rays of sun are breaking through... So while another plan develops... I'll just try to head there... </div>
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Simple Sanityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05567547048310310691noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5106666004389287187.post-56521534327896838012015-12-10T10:41:00.001-06:002015-12-10T12:29:22.397-06:00Breaking Through<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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You know what happens when I am brave and transparent?! I feel 1000 times better. That isn't entirely true... At first I feel a huge wave of regret, and then a little sick and my head starts spinning like I just got off a roller coaster. I go through panic and wonder if I said too much or if people are still going to like me when I'm vulnerable and weak <i><span style="color: #666666;">(and not my normal fun or organized or social self)</span></i>. What if people start throwing cliches at me or trying to fix me or eye contact!? But after that rush of crazy subsides, I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER. I slept without vivid nightmares for the first time in months. There were a couple of times when I didn't even need to remind myself to breathe.</div>
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It makes me wonder why I waited so long. I am not all better, our family still isn't okay, but the pressure subsided just a tiny bit. When the honest, real, and raw truth is released, it is like a sacred memorial. The people who love and support you, and you love and support, gather around. People share in your story and then they share their love. It is hard and painful but it is real and it is beautiful and there is connection. It allows for a tiny tinge of healing or adapting... the glimmer of that first star on a moonless night.</div>
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Just so I am clear... It isn't all raindrops on roses and sunrises and cosmos. I've discovered over this year that lots and lots of people are not thrilled with transparency. Some people choose to hop-scotch their own <strike>grief / depression / unwanted change /</strike> impossibly hard stuff and have no desire to witness anyone wallow in theirs <i>(totally understandable! I'm tired watching myself wallowing too!)</i>. Lots and lots of people are uncomfortable and few know how to respond <i>(especially in person or as time goes on)</i>. It is a lot easier when we all pretend to be happy and fun, and it is a real buzz-kill when broken things are laying all over the place with little hope of being cleaned-up let alone fixed.</div>
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I was raised in "the church", and I find that grief and depression are some of those areas that the church is really not very good at. Jesus is supposed to be the answer, "This is not our final home" is supposed to be enough, and when people are still broken, it is like God was not enough. I know many many broken people who are afraid to take medication or be transparent because of perceived judgement and poor responses. The church often throws a lot of prayers and cliches and casseroles and worship songs and Bible verses <i>(and sometimes whole Bibles)</i> but then doesn't really know where to go beyond there.</div>
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There is never going to be a perfect way to come along side someone in grief or depression or unwanted change. What works for me, won't work for everyone <i><span style="color: #666666;">(and often I have no idea what works for me or it changes or nothing works)</span></i>. The church, people, friends, and family mean well. I am confident that most people are not intentionally trying to be hurtful, but it happens, especially in the hard parts of life. <i><span style="color: #666666;">Please don't be nervous if you've said these things, I'm sure that I've said them before! I know you meant well, you did the best you could, and I'm in such a haze that I would never remember who has said them anyway. </span></i>There are no magic words or perfect responses but firstly, I highly recommend avoiding empty cliches and shallow platitudes. To most people, lines like these are not helpful:</div>
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<li>Everything happens for a reason. God is in control.</li>
<li>God only gives you what you can handle</li>
<li>At least his suffering wasn't long. He is in a better place. God needed another angel.</li>
<li>Time heals all wounds. This too will pass. Something good will come from this.</li>
<li>What doesn't kill you makes you stronger</li>
<li>It was his time to go; he had done the work he was meant to do on this earth.</li>
<li>Don't you think it is time to move on? ______ would want you to be happy.</li>
<li>You <u>just</u> need to... <i>(pray, exercise, get fresh air, eat clean, get pregnant again, etc.)</i></li>
<li>I couldn't handle this, you are so much stronger than I am.</li>
<li>How are you doing? really? (especially with a tilted head-- and on the sidelines of a loud soccer game)</li>
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I love much of Jewish culture on mourning but my absolute favorite part is that it is in very poor taste to get in the way of someone's processing of grief. Not only are platitudes taboo, but it isn't even polite to divert the conversation from talking about the deceased*. Upon leaving, in Jewish custom they say, "May the Lord comfort you with all the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem" I LOVE THAT! I bet the church lost that somewhere because of Paul's line about "Do not grieve like those with no hope." I'm not sure what the modern equivalent is, but what if instead of shallow cliches, people were like, "<i><span style="color: #666666;">May you feel comfort as all of the heavens and FaceBook mourn with you."</span></i></div>
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Some stories have brought me unspeakable comfort... others, not so much. It is a fine line, but it lies somewhere in the depth and sincerity and the purpose of the story. If someone says, "I know <u>exactly </u>how you feel! When my aunt had cancer... like 15 years ago..." and then goes on and on and on... Pretty quickly, the voice starts to sound like a Charlie Brown teacher down a very long tunnel and I go into a self preservation shell so that I don't accidentally melt-down in public. </div>
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Amidst depression <i><span style="color: #666666;">(or grief or unwanted change or impossibly hard stuff)</span></i> small talk, filibustering, or feigned empathy are nearly unbearable. It is usually much more appropriate to say, "I recognize that you are going through some really hard and painful stuff. I am here with you and for you. My heart breaks with yours. I know nothing can fix this, but if there is anything tangible, even if you just want me to sit beside you in silence..." or if words aren't your thing... just a hug... Or a hand squeeze... Or a plant... Or a cleaning lady... Or yoga certificates... Or a text with only a heart... but basically, if you are still talking and the person is wordless with glazed eyes... the story might not be effective comfort. </div>
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The stories that have softened my soul are often when someone puts their arm around me and says, "My dear girl. All this $#!+ so impossibly hard, and you are right, it effing sucks, life will never be the same..." and then we share back and forth on how our lives are forever altered by unwanted change and impossibly hard stuff <i><span style="color: #666666;">(as well as some stuff that should be easy but isn't)</span></i>... I feel my soul breathe. It isn't the time to get advice or take on another burden, but it is the time to walk beside each other and carry our burdens together for a few minutes... especially if your burden isn't as raw as mine and you somehow survived, even in a forever altered state.</div>
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So with all that said, my Dear Friends... thank you. I am surrounded by so many of the right kinds of people. Thank you for your space and your silence and listening to my story and for being vulnerable with your own. Please know that your love is felt in very real and meaningful ways... <3</div>
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<span style="color: #666666;"><i>*There isn't really a win/win with bringing up the hard stuff or not. </i></span><i><span style="color: #666666;">Sometimes (but not always), I'd rather hear some awkward recognition than avoiding with empty small talk. If nothing at all is acknowledged, the elephant just starts to grow larger and larger and it feels like there is no room for me at all and I could collapse under it's belly and no one would notice... <u>but I'm sure that isn't normal or even healthy</u> -- probably best to use the Jewish custom and follow the lead of the person grieving... lots of people are much better (and healthier) at compartmentalizing and just want to take a true break-- to appreciate where they are at that moment, to enjoy a genuine and deep laugh. <b>Gosh life would be so much easier if I personally got better at that!</b> Putting "<b>Learn to Compartmentalize while Processing</b>" as #1 on my New Years Resolution list... although, it would probably be more helpful for the Christmas Spirit if I started practicing <b>right now... I'll count writing it down on this blog as step one.</b></span></i><br />
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<i><span style="color: #666666;"><b>So maybe my revised mantra, still allowing me to be true to myself but process in a more healthy direction</b></span></i><i><span style="color: #666666;"><b>:</b></span></i><br />
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<i><span style="color: #666666;"><b>I AM NOT FINE!! But I am trying really hard to compartmentalize and enjoy this moment.</b></span></i></div>
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Simple Sanityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05567547048310310691noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5106666004389287187.post-23427953115016947822015-12-08T08:31:00.000-06:002016-10-06T09:48:15.990-05:00A Changing Mantra<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<i>This one is all about me, but sometimes that is the way it needs to be, not to mention that this is a profitless self run blog, so I can kind of do whatever:</i><br />
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The normal me loves adventure. I am warm and confident and frugal and not afraid to fail... I act like it is my job to find silver-linings and shimmers of light and beauty in the mundane. I embrace the quirkiness of the world, accept people as they are, and love a crazy story. But I haven't really seen even a glimpse of that me in awhile. It seems like a whole different person... The commonalities between the normal me and who I am right now are few and far between but both highly value honesty and transparency and being genuine. </div>
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Hence, I have this near pathological need to tell everyone in the world that <b>I am not okay</b>. In the rare moments that I leave the house without xanax, and anyone innocently greets me with a cursory, "How are you?" it takes every ounce of my will-power to avoid unloading that I am so near breaking that it hurts to breathe and every single solitary moment I am exhausted from just trying to survive. My house may be clean, the kids may appear presentable, we may be traveling, or I may be at a party with a glass of wine and a smile but it is taking every bit of my limited will-power, not to scream my currently internal mantra aloud,<br />
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"<b>I AM NOT FINE! OUR FAMILY IS NOT OKAY! I CAN'T DO THIS! NONE OF IT!</b>" </div>
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It is impossible to articulate exactly what it is that I can't do. I'm sure it has something to do with the pervasive heartbreak all around and the over-whelming responsibility of being entrusted to raise teenagers, and watching my dad die at barely 61 from a painful cancer, and then watching his mother die with a broken heart and my mom trying to figure out a new normal. It has to do with kids dying way to young and mass shootings and orphans and widows and abuse and brokenness and refugees and a world that doesn't choose love. It has to do with homework and small talk and a squirrel in the attic and bills and winter and accidentally gaining 15 pounds and a yard that nature has reclaimed and a torn ACL and fund-raisers for soul-wrenching causes.</div>
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But I don't scream my anxiety ridden mantra aloud, because I am a planner <i>(a blessing and a curse for both this me and normal me)</i>. And planners naturally think of life like a big chess game and as soon as I make that move to unload, in my next move, I will most likely be forced to actually talk, to real people and with real eye-contact... but I can't talk about this. People get super awkward and uncomfortable (especially me) but mostly, there is very little productive to say, just some shallow grief cliches. These feelings are real and raw and scary but talking about them doesn't help, and there is nothing that anyone can do. </div>
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The lyrics of Paul Simon (but in my dad's voice), are working their way into my new mantra... </div>
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<i>Breakdowns come and breakdowns go.</i></div>
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<i>So what are you you going to do about it?</i></div>
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<i>That's what I'd like to know.</i></div>
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I've gone through bouts like this before (although not this severe) and I have a vague idea of what I need to do:<br />
<ul>
<li>I need to shower but then actually get out of the shower before the lack of hotwater makes me. </li>
<li>I need to get outside. I need exercise. I need yoga.</li>
<li>I need sleep and rest and to be still.</li>
<li>I need to keep moving. I need to travel. I need to organize. I need to be creative. </li>
<li>I need twinkling lights and 8 Sarah McLachlan albums repeating on random. </li>
<li>I need to read and think and process and I need to write. </li>
<li>I can't forget to deliberately breathe and faithfully give and occasionally open my eyes.</li>
<li>And I MUST patiently, consistently, and repeatedly change my internal mantra.</li>
</ul>
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But these often complicated and conflicting things are a challenge to balance for the normal me! Right now, they are <b>really insanely hard</b>. Adding to the stress is that I am a full fledged mom. The world won't let me just hide while I take a break to collect myself. I need to show up at parent teacher conferences. I need to go to my job. I need to have clean laundry and for whatever reason, it turns out that even if a family lives on cereal, trips to the grocery store are still required. The kids are teenagers and will remember this break-down. It is part of their history and their story, which makes me feel guilty. Moms are supposed to play the role of solid safety net and consistent care-giver. But the heart of our family is broken and broken things don't heal as quickly as we would like or on our schedule or in the ways we expect, and often rather than heal, we can only adapt... regardless, it will certainly never be as it was before.</div>
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Life is messy and raw and painful but I keep trying to remind us that we may not like it, but <b>those things are okay</b>. They can facilitate character and strength and beauty and connection. Life isn't always (or even often) balanced and organized and happy, but what is important is that it is real... And that we repeatedly and patiently and bravely continue to Choose Love, ALWAYS. </div>
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And so I bravely wrote it down. I wrote it down because <a href="http://brenebrown.com/" target="_blank">Brene</a> and <a href="http://momastery.com/carry-on-warrior/" target="_blank">Glennon </a>and my heart told me that I should. I wrote it down because it helps me process and it lets me scream that <b>I am not okay! Our family is not fine!</b> (without needing to make eye contact). I write because every bit of life isn't always fine; and when it isn't fine, it needs space to be processed and changed and healed or adapted but, it doesn't need to be rushed or fixed or masked or faked.<br />
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And I wrote because of this... somebody I don't know, wrote this truth down and it made me say... ME TOO!!! EXACTLY... THIS...<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKXiVAo_NCr7iyDVYYZ_YzQ2k1rR92xMPgwwCWGDHMgjkbAi_eX_HEaDuN3M3mVQLUmFJK_nE48OW7_ZaLsvm6iFVXn1pvKAF0oh4mM9o5fmmcNy0fBJlDL4jwsPlEY0pRckJegnsIWgvO/s1600/12299363_10207022497976879_6240582238113665454_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="257" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKXiVAo_NCr7iyDVYYZ_YzQ2k1rR92xMPgwwCWGDHMgjkbAi_eX_HEaDuN3M3mVQLUmFJK_nE48OW7_ZaLsvm6iFVXn1pvKAF0oh4mM9o5fmmcNy0fBJlDL4jwsPlEY0pRckJegnsIWgvO/s320/12299363_10207022497976879_6240582238113665454_n.jpg" width="320" /></a> <br />
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<i>And as a surprising side benefit... after hitting "publish post", it feels like those pre-disclosed accidental 15 pounds that are sitting squarely on my chest --are not pushing down quite so hard, at least at this second... </i><br />
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Simple Sanityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05567547048310310691noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5106666004389287187.post-10149889640912582822014-08-20T15:38:00.002-05:002014-08-20T15:41:39.755-05:00Making Waves<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilqdGcUSjdYPWcYGSdfFsCSmJj9Q3VT2ZQmdXRrq-iVuyX1OxY10bWujwUj7JvTZGrMAU1l_fnPryYV5KbllXv6LMESEV390Qt_q9D9qHMt98DI_a3n0ACOLW0O8-ghCGrQLmf7tO0gnVK/s1600/IMG_3821.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilqdGcUSjdYPWcYGSdfFsCSmJj9Q3VT2ZQmdXRrq-iVuyX1OxY10bWujwUj7JvTZGrMAU1l_fnPryYV5KbllXv6LMESEV390Qt_q9D9qHMt98DI_a3n0ACOLW0O8-ghCGrQLmf7tO0gnVK/s1600/IMG_3821.JPG" height="320" width="213" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It is all so exciting and nerve wracking and monumental! For whatever reason, this year feels like such a big one for our family and the kids and me. My kids are at this middle-school stage where learning to foster independence is as natural as it is important and necessary. If I ever want them to grow up to be released into the great wild someday, I really need to make sure that I am not accidentally over-nurturing them. It is time to shift my focus away from just them to what the heck I am going to do. It is scary and fun and exciting. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Summer is over. We had this fantastic southwest camping adventure (we road-tripped for a month out of a Prius, but that is a story for another day). I feel like a fog has lifted and I am ready to move forward; for the first time in awhile, it isn't panic inducing or filled with dread, it is exciting. I turn 40. It was right around 40 that my very young parents moved away from the place that they were born and raised. My sister and I were both old enough to be on our own. They sold the house, simplified their lives, drove 2117.5 miles, bought a new place with an extra room that we always knew could be ours, and started over.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I get it now. At the time I thought it was odd. I wasn't upset or tearful, I just thought it was all so strange. I'm not planning a grand escape or anything, but I get the thrill of a new adventure. I understand more now than ever about how mundane the life we created can become and about how exciting it is to fulfill an unrequited dream. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">When the kiddos were little, we went along and didn't need to spend much time contemplating the big picture. We were checking general requirements off the list but it didn't take a ton of over-thinking. The goal was out there, the path was predictable, we just kind of needed to keep the basic course, and we would get there, albeit eventually. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This year feels like it is all getting a lot closer. School has begun and I have all this quiet to think and contemplate and play-out dreams. I've loved the road we've been on. I've enjoyed the high times and proud to have blazed the challenges but I need to make some decisions about what is the next direction that I want life to take. How best is my extra time and freedom used and needed for me and for our family? I don't want to become stagnant. I want to make some waves. Not like hurricane style waves. More like the fun kind that make your heart jump and your feet fly.</span></div>
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Simple Sanityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05567547048310310691noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5106666004389287187.post-19556532606795142342014-01-31T17:30:00.000-06:002014-02-03T15:20:26.617-06:00Down With AT&T<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhflhyphenhyphenw3tL8Ey8axnDTt1OqoCXwrc0DPKoQuEqU_jQRHEPgz0TOoquKERl_Ih07-v-U8zSdsihG7KD84MjFMHHic3hUTY5Nmx4seNEwEZn0DS0IuinjfVteqEiO1fcYRyPlHzJEJty_CJo7/s1600/IMG_0219.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhflhyphenhyphenw3tL8Ey8axnDTt1OqoCXwrc0DPKoQuEqU_jQRHEPgz0TOoquKERl_Ih07-v-U8zSdsihG7KD84MjFMHHic3hUTY5Nmx4seNEwEZn0DS0IuinjfVteqEiO1fcYRyPlHzJEJty_CJo7/s1600/IMG_0219.JPG" height="400" width="266" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-align: justify;">My title might be a little heavy-handed, but hear me out. I've been with AT&T for my cell service since before I had a rhyming name. Before kids. Back when it was Cell One and then Cingular and now AT&T. Last Monday we changed carriers. It felt a little like I was making the decision to leave an unhealthy relationship. There was some guilt and nostalgia but mostly relief.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Our lives have changed. We are about to embark on a new era with 4 mobile phones all requiring unlimited voice / text and some data. We all <i>need</i> smart phones. Before judging us for being spoiling suburbanites, let me clarify our reasoning:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Our kids have a walk to the middle school that is about 3/4 of a mile each way. I believe that it helps clear their head, build relationships, foster independence, and instill healthy habits to walk everyday. I only drive them when the windchill is below zero, every once in awhile when we are running a bit late in the morning, or if I need to leave the house at the same time as them. With that said, I feel more comfortable if my kids have a phone with them for the walk. It allows them to check in and see if they can go to a friend's house rather than straight home. It gives them an option if there is an emergency or if they are feeling unsafe/sick. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">When my son graduated 5th grade, we got him a $10 a month non-smart flip phone. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The kid never had it with him. He would forget or it would be lost in a couch cushion or uncharged. Finally, at the end of 6th grade, my husband and I reassessed the situation. We decided to buy him his first smart phone and pay the monthly fee under these conditions:</span><br />
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<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">that he always had it with him and answered or texted whenever we called</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">there was ZERO privacy - we could check his search history, texts, phone calls at any point.</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">all phones are plugged into the family room by 9:30pm</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">at any point in time, we could track his phone and know where he is</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">the phone is still ours to take away for any reason</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">we set all sorts of parenting limits with passwords</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">he learned and practiced smart phone etiquette</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">if it was lost, stolen, broken, or he wanted an upgrade, he would buy it himself</span></li>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9SWkskveMvegImzM9toskSoOYLVOR86v93tXwnZr4I0vx9sMDrzqs3wwZTvhU7X_Ev4UjtnXNeqleY-U5hVtRnlWABlZ8k9m2Q_v4fe84h8Ob0vEbL-Wx5ovFmBHil9XGuwJuOop9QZIk/s1600/IMG_1509.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9SWkskveMvegImzM9toskSoOYLVOR86v93tXwnZr4I0vx9sMDrzqs3wwZTvhU7X_Ev4UjtnXNeqleY-U5hVtRnlWABlZ8k9m2Q_v4fe84h8Ob0vEbL-Wx5ovFmBHil9XGuwJuOop9QZIk/s1600/IMG_1509.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We didn't buy him the newest model <i>(which is just asking to be stolen),</i> we sold his iPod on ebay, and applied the proceeds to his new phone. For the past year, he has his iPhone 4 with him all the time. I always know where he is; I even track where the bus is on the way to cross country meets so that I'm not wasting time while waiting for the meet to start. It has worked out perfectly, except that instead of $10 a month, it is $35 a month with AT&T. As we were thinking about our daughter graduating 5th grade soon, the reality hit that we would be paying $70 a month just for them! That is a horrific amount of money and totally unacceptable.</span><br />
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<b><span style="color: #666666; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We did a ton of research, looked around, and T-Mobile appeared to be the best deal for our situation right now.</span></b></div>
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<span style="color: #666666; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><u><b>Our AT&T bill would look like this (before fees & taxes -- with a 2 year contract):</b></u></span></div>
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<span style="color: #666666; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">$70 - Unlimited Talk / Text / Share 2 GB of Data <i>(fees if we go over data, which we didn't with 3 people but we might with 4)</i></span></div>
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<span style="color: #666666; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">$35 - My Line <i>(why there is an extra charge for the first line, I will never understand)</i></span></div>
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<span style="color: #666666; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">$35 - Hubby Line</span></div>
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<span style="color: #666666; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">$35 - Boy</span></div>
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<span style="color: #666666; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><u>$35</u> - Girl</span></div>
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<b><span style="color: #666666; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">$210 A MONTH!!!</span></b></div>
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<span style="color: #666666; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><u><b>Our <a href="http://www.t-mobile.com/cell-phone-plans/family.html?cm_sp=SHOP-_-PLANS-_-FAMILY" target="_blank">T-Mobile Plan</a> will look like this (before fees & taxes -- with NO CONTRACT):</b></u></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Unlimited Talk / Text / .5 GB of Data Each (no data overages, extra GB just aren't high speed)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">$50 - My Line</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">$30 - Hubby Line</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">$10 - Boy</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><u>$10</u> - Girl</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>$100 TOTAL A MONTH </b><i>($122 with new phones for me and the DH & a teacher discount)</i></span></div>
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<u><b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Here were our questions / concerns about switching:</span></b></u></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Q. I know I need to trade in a phone to T-Mo in order for them to pay early termination fees. Do I need to trade my valuable iPhone or can I just find an old one laying around the house?</span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A. They accepted a flip phone without a charger that was 12 years old and we had laying in a box, still with the Cingular logo, and then a newer flip phone that was also laying around. They even said you could bring in a burner.</span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Q. With T-Mo, I know you don't get free or discounted phones like you do with AT&T. Do I need to buy the phones through T-Mo or can I just by them on Amazon / use my old phones?</span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A. T-Mo can use any unlocked phone, you don't need to buy them through T-Mo BUT you do need to buy a phone through them for every line that they are paying the early termination fee on. They will sell it to you at 0% financing for 24 months, if you are qualified, pay the $10 sim card fee, and taxes upfront. New iPhone 5s were $25 a month each. After research, we opted for the <a href="http://simplesanityinsuburbia.blogspot.com/2014/01/android-mom.html" target="_blank">Nexus 5</a> at $16 a month each.</span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Q. When are the early termination fees paid by T-Mo?</span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A. A form is sent into T-Mo after you have a bill showing the early termination fees and that they have been paid in full. T-Mo will eventually mail you a VISA gift card for the total amount, but I'm not holding my breath.</span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Q. Isn't part of a contract the security that you won't raise the rates on us either?</span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A. The T-Mo representative said, "This is your plan, you are grandfathered into the price as long as you keep your plan the same. Besides, there is no contract, we are going to try to give you the best deal we can, or you can leave at any time."</span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Q. How is the T-Mo service? I've heard that it isn't great, especially in rural areas.</span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A. For $100+ a month, it is a risk I'm willing to take but so far, so good. T-Mo automatically uses wifi if the signal strength is low (so both of us actually have service at work which we never had before). The T-Mo rep says that for the next couple of years, they now have use of AT&T towers so we should have at least the same, probably better, coverage than we did before. Texting & data also work outside the US with very few (if any) charges.</span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>THE AT&T to T-Mobile SWITCH:</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Our new phones switched and ported from AT&T to T-Mo really quickly. Love my new <a href="http://simplesanityinsuburbia.blogspot.com/2014/01/android-mom.html" target="_blank">Nexus 5</a>, service seems really great. No problems anywhere yet <i>(except with the old iPhones we are trying to transfer from AT&T to T-Mo for the kids).</i> Really great peeps at T-Mo. Helped us decide on new phones and get the right plan for our family at the lowest possible rate. I actually like that there is just a limited amount of data at high speeds. The kids don't need access to that much data. If my husband and I need more, we can just add it to our own lines. The new plan actually makes way more sense and is saving us tons of money.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>THE UGLY <i>(it is a rant so feel free to skim</i>):</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Our break-up with AT&T could have been friendly but AT&T did not take that route. I called AT&T customer retention first. I let them know that their prices were going to be double that of a competitor. They offered me $40 a month off for the next 4 months. I asked how much my early termination fee will be. They said $600 (which is nearly predatory). We needed the old AT&T iPhones unlocked and released from AT&T before the kids could use them on the T-Mobile network. We called and were told that our account was properly canceled, we've never paid a bill late, our credit card was on file, and we had agreed to the early termination fees so it would take from 48 hours to 5 days. On the 5th day, we got an email saying that "our account is not in good standing so our phones won't be unlocked". We called back. The person said that it was because we didn't physically charge the termination fees, so we paid them immediately with a credit card. I resubmitted the phones to be unlocked and I get a notice saying that "we've exceeded the number of allowable requests to unlock in a year and our unlock has been denied." I call AT&T again. This person says it is because our last billing cycle ended January 28th, and even though we switched on the 27th, we will have to wait another month until our NEW billing cycle starts to release the phones but that it is all an electronic system and there is nothing he can do to release our phones early or waive the fact that our original release didn't go through and that is why our new ones won't be honored. I asked if I could have paid the early termination fees, unlocked the phones, and then ported over our numbers. AT&T said that I wouldn't have been able to keep my numbers then. This is really just the system.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I understand that AT&T doesn't want to make it easy for people to leave, but in doing so, they have made it so that I will never go back. They really took away any little bit of nostalgia that one might have held. It is like the boyfriend where everyone knows that it isn't working. It was only a matter of time. Nobody wants to compromise but instead of hugging out the goodbyes and agreeing to be civil at parities, someone decides to burn every bridge, break your CDs, throw the shards out the window, and act like total @$$3$.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">At this point, the kids don't have their phones and the latest rep said it would probably be about 6 weeks because we need to get the final bill, they need to have proof that it is paid, confirm that we've only had unlock requests, (rather than the maximum unlocked phones), then start the 5 day unlocking process. After hours on the phone with incompetence, I've really grown to hate AT&T. Even if T-Mo never ends up reimbursing us the early termination fees, we are ahead in 1/2 a year and we have severed the AT&T bond. If AT&T doesn't make a really quick change in how they do business, I can't imagine it lasting long. Flocks of my friends are switching to other carriers and loving it.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm a little sheepish to admit that we stayed with AT&T this long. I hate loyalty to corporations like this. We really just felt trapped in a cycle of contracts. It felt like we always needed to update a phone and enter into a new contract. It took an incredible deal like T-Mo to make us break the contract. And I'm glad we finally have.</span></div>
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<i><span style="color: #666666;">Hope this helps someone else make decisions on cell carriers! I'll update over spring break when we leave the city and head to more rural areas! I'll also update when AT&T finally releases our phones, early termination fees are done, and we get bills from T-Mo.</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #666666;">BE FRUGAL MY FRIENDS!</span></i></div>
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Simple Sanityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05567547048310310691noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5106666004389287187.post-24860169301167077232014-01-30T16:02:00.000-06:002014-02-02T12:37:49.867-06:00Android Mom<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Some of you are going to gasp, feel betrayed, and possibly call me a traitor <i>(others will be agnostic about my decision and some may even support it)</i> but I am prepared and braced for the scrutiny. Recently, there has been a lot of hard decision making <i>(including piles of research and spreadsheets)</i> resulting in challenging life changes. We added a Sam's Club membership to our Costco lifestyle. I'm no longer driving my dear <a href="http://simplesanityinsuburbia.blogspot.com/2012/01/ode-to-our-odyssey.html" target="_blank">Odyssey</a> but a <a href="http://www.mazdausa.com/MusaWeb/displayPage.action?pageParameter=modelsMain&vehicleCode=MZ5" target="_blank">Mazda 5</a> <i>(mostly a financial decision because our minivan suffered an untimely departure and all we can afford is a mini mini van)</i>, and now I gave my beloved iPhone to my daughter and became an Android Mom <i>(my husband says that there is a joke in there somewhere but I don't get it and I am quite sure that I don't want to)</i>. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I've had an iPhone for years. If I were to guess, I would say at least 7. My sister got one and then I kinda wanted one too and then after I got it, I was totally hooked. I felt like I had the world at my finger tips. My own personal Inspector Gadget. I talked countless friends and family members into getting an iPhone <i>(regretfully sometimes even shaming or scoffing them into it)</i> and we would all laugh and talk about our apps. Siri was my friend.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #666666; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You can easily research elsewhere about the concrete differences between the smart phones: Battery life, megapixels, size, weight. What I am going to give you is the mom perspective. A very Non-Technical Review:</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAH2n59ThkAwz61_zmKS8GhpNikfUvaw-WaZXmV2w3qDxJjD8tBnONDLZHxFI_5QMkm2MXwsCjiCgtqaD1OlVHq8uSwU9cN5C1FCoo1u_SHmrsBIHkYFoBl83OWpFuU27CumpBwNSed5BL/s1600/photo.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAH2n59ThkAwz61_zmKS8GhpNikfUvaw-WaZXmV2w3qDxJjD8tBnONDLZHxFI_5QMkm2MXwsCjiCgtqaD1OlVHq8uSwU9cN5C1FCoo1u_SHmrsBIHkYFoBl83OWpFuU27CumpBwNSed5BL/s1600/photo.PNG" height="320" width="213" /></a><b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">iPhone - the PROS:</span></b></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAH2n59ThkAwz61_zmKS8GhpNikfUvaw-WaZXmV2w3qDxJjD8tBnONDLZHxFI_5QMkm2MXwsCjiCgtqaD1OlVHq8uSwU9cN5C1FCoo1u_SHmrsBIHkYFoBl83OWpFuU27CumpBwNSed5BL/s1600/photo.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></a>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It is so CUTE! Every time I glance at my old white iPhone 4s with a perfect rainbow purple Kate Spade case, my throat gets a little tight. Thankfully my daughter loves it too. I couldn't bear for it to go unloved like the Velveteen Rabbit.</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">An iPhone is uncomplicated and simply easy. It comes all set up to be very user friendly. You need about 3 minutes of "training" and you are good to go, even if you have no idea how to use a computer or you are 2 years old.</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">When you get a new iPhone, everything transfers so nicely that you can barely tell you updated. That said, iPhones bank on you getting new models regularly.</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Apple products are great for parental locks and tracking kids. You may not need it now but you will when they hit adolescence. Take my advice, best to just have the guidelines in place young. </span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Music & movies & games are so easy to download, back-up, and share with the family.</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Apple isn't very buggy; I've never heard of anyone getting a virus.</span></li>
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<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">iPhone - the CONS:</span></b></div>
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<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The free apps work okay but I always found that the 3rd party ones were kind of tricky to realistically incorporate-- and most of the time there is a charge to even try them!</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There is not room for much customization. For example, I didn't like the calendar that the iPhone came with through iCloud. I paid and downloaded a bunch of new ones but they still didn't work quite right.</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Apple doesn't share well. Anytime I've bought a cheaper / non-apple charger or alarm clock or anything but iHome, it seems glitchy.</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">That is really it. Other than that. I loved my iPhone.</span></li>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgmNOxpSxFIImFpo66evaMc0zbvpa4AJmqlWjH6B26bC9fZa-ETGUJqw_q6iI8RFEFnlEUB_STuVn-eo329Znnp4hML7AOtOUUBk5DlFInn0lqDTnRHw036WliulhCn-YZwQkppdpcrshK/s1600/Screenshot_2014-01-30-14-40-31.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgmNOxpSxFIImFpo66evaMc0zbvpa4AJmqlWjH6B26bC9fZa-ETGUJqw_q6iI8RFEFnlEUB_STuVn-eo329Znnp4hML7AOtOUUBk5DlFInn0lqDTnRHw036WliulhCn-YZwQkppdpcrshK/s1600/Screenshot_2014-01-30-14-40-31.png" height="320" width="180" /></a><b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Nexus 5 - the PROS:</span></b></div>
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<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It looks sparkly compared to my iPhone. The screen is crisp and it almost feels like you are holding a little HD computer.</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">EVERYTHING can be customized. I mean everything. And for someone who loves to compulsively research, rearrange, and organize, this is so fun. I can adjust how my screen looks, what color/size/shape my icons are, how the clock appears. I can make my own icon that looks like a flower but calls home. I can get an app for a perfect calendar view or contact list. </span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">On my iPhone, I had 4 pages of apps. Some apps I rarely used and would forget what folder I buried them in. On the Nexus5, rarely used apps can be buried in a separate alphabetized area. An app can also be in 2 places with no limit on how many pages and folders you want on your main screens. It is hard to explain without showing, but it is kinda cool. Even some pages can just have the app / widget open all the time. Today I decided on one page with tiny icons and then separate pages with just my open weekly calendar, another with just the weather, another with a direct link to each person that I call or text often.</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Almost everything is outright free. If it isn't free:</span></li>
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<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It has a 15 day trial</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">a donation can be made at a later time</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">additional "pro" sets with likable features can be purchased but are not required</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">there are ads (rare)</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">even if you pay for it, you have 15 minutes to reverse the charge. In my case, I usually know in 15 minutes if I will use a program or not.</span></li>
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<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I had never been a Mac / Apple person. I love gmail/chrome/google <i>(but not google+ I just don't get it.)</i>. My picasa web albums are all beautifully easy to view and my mail actually works perfectly. </span></li>
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<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Android - the CONS:</span></b></div>
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<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I feel left out with my iPhone friends, family, and kids.</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It isn't cute. It is kinda big and the cases are boring. You do get used to the size really quickly and now the iPhone actually seems absurdly tiny.</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The apps I paid for with iTunes can't be used; although there was a really easy app that transferred my iTunes music over flawlessly.</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It takes awhile to fix the address book and calendars from iCloud to Google or whatever you will use.</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My Nexus 5 came empty. I like that but I can see how it might be over-whelming for some people. I've spend hours setting up my phone while being trapped inside on these polar vortex days. Way more time than I ever spent setting up an iPhone.</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Apparently, this much sharing comes with a cost. It is more susceptible to catching a virus. Just like real life.</span></li>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So why did I switch you ask? Well, it was that or move or plan a vacation or go nuts. We are really winter stir crazy. That, and <a href="http://simplesanityinsuburbia.blogspot.com/2014/02/down-with-at.html" target="_blank">we switched from AT&T to T-Mobile</a> for our cell service. T-Mo has potentially dicier coverage but will save us over $100 a month (and no contract); With the new plan we needed some new phones. The iPhones were more expensive and the more we talked with people, the more both my husband and I thought a Nexus 5 was really our kind of thing.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Summary-- I love it. A little obsessively, but I love it. I just want to tweak everything and make it all pretty and organized and fun. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u>Recommendation?</u></b> Honestly, I wouldn't recommend a Nexus 5 to everyone. I think iPhones are great for kids. I also think they are great for people who just want something to work-- Friends who don't have the time or desire to research and rearrange and adjust. My Nexus 5 is so fun, but I love this kind of stuff, it is my "me time". A lot of the people that I talked into an iPhone would probably still be happier with an iPhone. Those devices are just less complicated. In a world where things are complicated enough and we are juggling jobs, parenting, marriages, family, bowling pins... sometimes it is nice to have a phone that simply works well. That is an iPhone. Right now, I need a little spice to my salsa, a little adventure to my day, a little change in my life, and I love my new Nexus 5.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Peace out my frugal loving homies! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Yesterday I turned 39. I've rarely had an issue with age or growing older. Most years, I truly feel like it was better and more fulfilling than the last. 24 was a little rough. I was out of college but still didn't know what direction I was going. I had youthful dreams that needed to die but they didn't go down without one heck of a fight. The first couple of times one truly faces reality is rough (and often heartbreaking). </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm not melancholy about 39, but the closing of a decade is certainly a time to re-prioritize. I've never been the kind of person who is okay with just surviving. If I find myself in that situation, were I am merely treading water and not actively becoming a better person, a more loving wife, a stronger parent, a greater influence for good, I start to feel trapped and caged and impotent. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Over these past couple of years, what it means to have a fulfilling life has changed and grown and developed. For so long, it was just generically "happiness" but I'm realizing that happiness is really just the bi-product of a truly fulfilling life. Happiness isn't about circumstances, it is a constant choice, a lovely result, but not the core. I've come to realize that a clean house makes me happy. That said, it is the hard work and the diligence to become master over consumerism that really makes me happy; the external ramification being a clean house.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Having "good kids" makes me happy, but truthfully, it isn't how they act that makes me the most proud. I am most proud when I watch my daughter devour books in her free-time rather than watch TV. I am most proud when I catch my son using restraint, rather than lashing out. When they show self-reflection by being kind and generous and thinking through decisions rather than just responding. It is watching my kids choose the responsible path rather than the easy one that makes me (and them) so happy. Even more so when they do make a mistake or fail and handle it with dignity It is knowing that in intentionally raising children with discipline, integrity, consistency, support, and love they are capable of mastering their own destiny that brings true happiness.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Success makes us happy, but the truth is that succeeding on natural ability alone is not what facilitates happiness; it is the work and effort that creates the feeling. It is over-powering a natural tendency for selfishness or laziness or practicing incessantly in order to over-come a weakness that makes one the happiest. It is not the external success as much as the life lesson of self-discipline learned.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It certainly isn't money or a better house or possessions that make people happy. It feels like it could. Jake and I are constantly dreaming about: just one more financial hump or just a couple more house improvements or if my job would only get busy again so I could work from home or those adorable new shoes (Jake is ALWAYS saying that). If we only had new windows or solar panels. Those things may be excellent and they may be good for the environment but they have no ability to actually create sustainable happiness. What does create happiness is controlling our middle-class American propensity for consumerism and self indulgence. The mentality that possessions and accumulations and money will lead to happiness is an awful trap.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I won't go on forever with examples (I probably could), but the worst trap is that someone else makes us happy. Whether it be finding a soul-mate, or a spouse or a baby or a golden-doodle... My husband makes me happy, but it isn't him (sorry babe), it is the relationship of trust and growth. It is the constant iron sharpening iron of becoming better people together that is truly fulfilling. That kind of effort and support and vulnerability has an awesome bi-product of happiness. A friend who says, "You are perfect just the way you are" is not going to bring the kind of long-term fulfillment and happiness that comes from loving, truthful, honest, and hard communication about your zipper being down or your favorite shirt being too tight or the weakness in your parenting or the prejudice in your soul. True happiness comes from being held accountable and responsible, not from being merely outwardly liked or shallowly complimented.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So, in an effort to intentionally appreciate and enjoy the last year of my 30s, I'm embarking on a little journey. Each day, I will take a picture of something that makes my soul rejoice. I'm starting with my little family because I would be remiss if I didn't. That said, hopefully this will morph into something less superficial. Hopefully it will make me reflect on not only the things that outwardly make me feel happy but also the root-- on what really matters.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Feel free to join me, even if you aren't in the last year of your 30s. I'd love to see what brings a smile to your soul... you can follow me on the <a href="https://www.facebook.com/FeigningMiddleClass" target="_blank">FMC FB Page</a>. I'm not going to make sure they are all perfect pictures. I'm not going to worry too much about the order they are in. I'm just going to compile 365 things that make my soul smile at this stage of my life.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><b>Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be -- Honest Abe</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">One of my favorite quotes by a great leader... and this year, once again... I'm making up my mind to be very very "happy".</span></div>
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Simple Sanityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05567547048310310691noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5106666004389287187.post-90710439425386315342013-08-15T09:42:00.001-05:002013-08-19T11:10:10.060-05:00Air-Duct Cleaning<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Yesterday the arteries of our home were cleaned out, and I mean really cleaned out; like basically an angioplasty of our air-ducts.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Recently,</i> we got a new furnace. The previous furnace was so old that my husband was quite confident that if we opened up the avocado green casing we would discover two cave men rubbing sticks together. It was helicopter loud, smelled nasty, and very very un-efficient <span style="color: #666666;">(I realize it <i>should</i> be inefficient, but in this case I want to make it clear that this is actually the exact opposite of efficiency)</span>. We nursed this poor furnace for years and then one Friday in January, I came home from work, the kids were doing their homework; I said, "OMG! Aren't you guys freezing!? What is with the heat?! Did you leave a door open?!" Being that they are my kids <a href="http://simplesanityinsuburbia.blogspot.com/2012/10/hazy-shade-of-winter.html" target="_blank">(read earlier blog about them never being cold)</a>, they said they didn't notice. It wasn't even 55 in the house. Our faithful little cavemen had officially quit for good.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We turned on the fireplace in the living room and toughed it out for the weekend to avoid over-time and got a new furnace on Monday. The new furnace is quiet and beautifully efficient and expensive. When they were installing, one of the guys said, "Wow, you </span><b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">really</b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> should have your air-ducts cleaned out. It is a mess in there! Which will make your brand new furnace dirty and make it considerably less efficient." </span><b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I knew he was right.</b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> From time to time, I would take off a vent register during a thorough cleaning and remove a sweater's worth of dust but we didn't really have the money to get the job done right.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The other day, I found a <a href="http://local.amazon.com/chicago-northwest-suburbs/B00E81STPA" target="_blank">Groupon for $40</a> on a basic air-duct cleaning. I was pretty sure that our situation was not "basic" but bought the Groupon anyway. <a href="http://www.illinoisairductcleaning.co/" target="_blank">The guys</a> (covered in friendly tatoos) showed up and opened all my vents. It was one of the grossest things EVER. Like seriously right up there with unclogging the shower drain last week. Being that I strive for a clean home, I was humiliated. They were here for 4 hours, brushing, cleaning, vacuuming every vent / duct / filter in the house. It ended up being another $350 <i><span style="color: #666666;">(and I tipped another $50 on top of that in conjunction with two bottles of water)</span></i>. Basically, it wasn't cheap, but I was so grateful.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Now, I know that the<a href="http://www.epa.gov/iaq/pubs/airduct.html#deciding" target="_blank"> EPA doesn't "recommend" air duct cleaning</a> as a way to help allergies but there is absolutely no way that this amount of internal dust was okay. As the guys were doing their thing, I was running from vent cover to vent cover and scrubbing them down and scrubbing the floor around the vents.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I can't tell you how holistically cleansing it felt. I had been living under this illusion that our house was respectable while the very core was covered in a sticky carpet of dust. I am quite sure that in the 60 years of it's existence, the air-ducts had never been fully cleaned <span style="color: #666666;"><i>(a clue being that one particular return air vent appeared to have been painted into place with no fewer than 5 dramatically different colors -- why do people paint vents?!)</i></span>. These tatoo-ed conveyors of truth unearthed deep filth and were here <i>(as professionals and without judgement)</i> to help me resolve the issues.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It never ceases to surprise me on how all of life holds very similar lessons. The rules and consequences of the natural world remain true of the soul as well. A home may appear to be clean on the outside while opening closets and drawers reveals something totally different... and even if those hidden areas are clean and orderly, digging deeper may unearth a base level of grime that is continually blowing into an externally clean house.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I feel like many people live with their outward selves pulled together, clean, beautiful while their insides are a mess. I like a clean life, but I want it to be clean from the inside all the way out. I'm trying to raise my children with the same awareness. I don't want to only see an externally clean room, I want under their beds and inside their closets to be clean as well but as symbolic of their real lives. I don't mind at all that they want to look their best or have fun or act crazy <i><span style="color: #666666;">(don't we all?!)</span></i> but only if they are first, foremost, and internally at their core: kind, generous, grateful, thoughtful, self-disciplined, empathetic, patient, and forgiving <i><span style="color: #666666;">(of themselves and others)</span></i>. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Those are qualities and characteristics that run deep and not only change themselves but have the potential to change the world, or at least their circle of influence in the world. If they spend their time and energy on the very deepest soul level, the outsides will be easier to keep beautiful, happy, fun, authentic, confident, relaxed, healthy, and comfortable -- rather than an amazing park, built on top of a landfill with tires constantly unearthing and needing to be re-buried. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I want their identity to be based on who they strive to be on the inside rather than just what they appear to look like on the outside. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So today, I am looking forward to starting an endless pot of coffee and cleaning up the dust erupted from our air-duct angioplasty-- and while I surface clean, I will think about re-prioritizing our needs and wants and stuff and baggage... in an effort to be clean from the inside out-- our home, but also our souls.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #666666; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">--As a side note, I know that not every life is at the stage of cleaning out air-ducts; some lives are gardens built on a landfill that will have it's past continually raising to the surface to be dealt with in a myriad of ways <i>(to some degree, all of our lives are like that)</i>. There is something amazing and glorious and powerful about souls that can morph awful deep baggage and garbage into a beautiful and peaceful oasis, especially when those tires being unearthed can be re-purposed into a swing or a planter or the soul of a shoe...</span><br />
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<span style="color: #666666; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">--And as far as a review of air-duct cleaning... in our case, it was very necessary but the EPA really doesn't think it makes much of a difference on internal air quality unless there is a lot of dust to be removed. They don't feel it is yearly maintenance on a home, and I would probably agree. Maybe more often than once every 60 years though. And be prepared for a lot of dust after the process. Even with the windows all opened, there is a layer of dust on every surface in our house. It is going to be a long day.</span></div>
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Simple Sanityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05567547048310310691noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5106666004389287187.post-34572918170075018102013-08-08T09:27:00.001-05:002013-08-12T12:28:56.126-05:00Credit Karma: a Review<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm no <a href="http://www.daveramsey.com/" target="_blank">Dave Ramsey</a>, but I will admit, I kinda like paying bills. Now this "like", is akin to taking out the garbage or organizing the garage or gardening or perfectly folded laundry or house cleaning or meal planning. I don't relish paying bills like reading a book on the back patio with a summer breeze on my face and a cool drink in my hand, but I do love the results: a balanced spreadsheet and a solid but realistic financial budget. I like the harmony that only comes from reconciled living within our means and still being simply, comfortably, and peacefully happy <i><span style="color: #666666;">(if I'm honest, probably even happier than if we had unlimited funds)</span></i>.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Please don't get the wrong idea, we aren't the greatest with money ever: </span></div>
<a name='more'></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We over-spend sometimes and then end up eating red beans and rice <i><span style="color: #666666;">(a recipe which isn't much of a punishment because my husband happens to love them)</span></i>. We've had household emergencies that we hadn't planned for adequately. Our home value has drastically decreased over the years. We don't save enough for retirement or house projects or our kids colleges or for the dream vacation <i><span style="color: #666666;">(not just the summer adventures that are actually nearly cheaper than being home)</span></i>. Sometimes we have wants that in our minds turn into needs <i><span style="color: #666666;">(like a fireplace in the living room or the perfect shoes in the sale section of Von Maur)</span></i>. Overall, our debt is manage-ably moderate while keeping balance with enjoying a full life. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Along with this "like" of paying bills on-time, I'm always drawn by our credit report. It is the tangible score that is evidence that we are making sound financial choices. I feel like it is our reward for living simply. Until now, it has always been this mysterious number that we would get when we went to buy a new car at 1.9% financing. It was sometimes higher or lower and we would nervously garner private guesses before the loan officer pulled out the report.</span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">With great joy, I'm happy to announce, as of yesterday, this is no longer the case!!!</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This new enlightenment started as we are attempting to do some eco-friendly upgrades on our house <i><span style="color: #666666;">(I'm sure more details in a later blog)</span></i>. That said, we just bought our new navy Prius <i><span style="color: #666666;">(affectionately named Baloo Berry Manly-Man-Man)</span></i> and money is tight. I'm researching to see how feasible this endeavor really is. In the past, I would sign up for a free trial on a complicated financial website that I had to remember to promptly cancel or get my credit report from a company checking our finances. I would diligently match up cards and adjust the numbers so that I could see what cards were real, what Victoria's Secret cards I didn't even know we had, and make sure that no one had assumed our identity. I would cancel old cards <i><span style="color: #666666;">(turns out to not only be unnecessary but almost hurtful on a credit report)</span></i>. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I did this, maybe once a year, for each of us. Thanks to my neurosis, it would take all day and a lot of coffee.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This time, I found the FREE website: <a href="http://www.creditkarma.com/" target="_blank">creditkarma</a>. It is WONDERFUL. The best financial over-view site ever <i><span style="color: #666666;">(I've visited a lot of sites over the years)</span></i>. You don't need to give a credit card number at all. This is not a free trial. It is actually free. There is no limit of how many times you can check a year. It quickly pulls a credit score and explains how it came to that number. One can see what accounts they have listed to make sure your identity is still your own. It has a simulator to tell you how your score would be effected if you embarked on certain financial routes <i><span style="color: #666666;">(both positive and negative)</span></i>. There are loan calculators and loan offers <i><span style="color: #666666;">(probably how creditkarma makes it's $)</span></i> to match your financial situation. It gives advice on what to do in the future to increase your score <span style="color: #666666;"><i>(some obvious, but many others surprised me)</i></span>. It has bright colors and is very user friendly. It even tracks your progress if you sign on once a month <i><span style="color: #666666;">(I'm going to just sign on for each of us, on the 5th of every month -- bill paying day)</span></i>.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>The icing:</b> it allows the option to match your online accounts to your credit report so that you are able to keep a more accurate assessment of the situation <i><span style="color: #666666;">(just like I would do with pen and paper once a year)</span></i>. It has bank level security and can even email updates on the accounts that are linked, a setting that can be easily changed.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I can't seem to pull myself away from the site, it makes me so happy that I'm almost giddy. So, while preparing for the seasonal transition and trying to reconcile the accidental over-spending in the name of "enjoying summer-time". As you are creating the school year budget, I highly recommend a glimpse into this site. The site is ridiculously user friendly, but a couple of tips:</span></div>
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<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Separate accounts are needed <i><span style="color: #666666;">(with separate email addresses)</span></i> for both you and your spouse</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Be ready to answer some fairly easy multiple choice questions to prove your identity</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The site still works beautifully <span style="color: #666666;"><i>(and even more streamlined)</i></span> on an ipad</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Remember to check out the <a href="https://www.creditkarma.com/myfinances/simulator/results" target="_blank">credit score simulator</a>. It is my favorite part of the site</span></li>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">and don't forget to pour some extra coffee and "enjoy" the power of being in control of your credit report card. Maybe, along with your kids, you can work to make honor-roll this year ;0)</span></div>
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Simple Sanityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05567547048310310691noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5106666004389287187.post-16989195546840956232013-07-07T15:58:00.000-05:002013-07-28T12:21:04.329-05:00Rock-Bottom Sunsets<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">To many of you, this won't come as surprise but recently it has come to my attention that my personal "rock bottom" is really pretty shallow. I know a lot of people who live their baseline lives well under my melt-down point and survive quite nicely. They have a spouse who travels or works long hours or is unsupportive; they taxi 4 kids to 3 travel sports each. Work crazy hours. Live at fast-food chains. They don't remember the last time they watched a TV series on Netflix or read a novel or went on vacation or rearranged or had someone over unplanned or "dated". They squeeze in their cardio while paying their bills. Bills are a challenge to pay and their homes are cluttered. Their time is all scheduled. Their life a swirling happy, crazy, blur of excitement and activity. But that just isn't me <span style="color: #666666;"><i>(or us)</i></span>. I am not judging those people I love that everyone is different. Truthfully, if I'm reflective: <b> I am nearly jealous of them.</b> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Our family just doesn't do well without a peacefully consistent life. I'm not sure what to do with this epiphany, but I guess admitting is the first step. And I also guess that thankfully, we experience our version of rock-bottom very very infrequently. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We live this really well planned, uncomplicated, and self-disciplined life-- most of the time. We know what keeps us happy, sane, and stress-free. We can each go for a little while without, especially to fulfill a big picture goal, but usually, we map our little lives so that these things are just regularly maintained and stay in an acceptable range:</span></div>
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<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">House and Soul and Schedule are clean and organized</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Budget and Spreadsheets are solid and kept</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Food is cooked at home and healthy</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Lovin' is sweet and plentiful</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Yoga / Exercise / Cardio are very regular</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Ample rest and downtime and reading and quiet and calm</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Generous time with friends and at social events and in nature</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Creative projects and trips and dreams are clearly on the horizon</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Unplanned magical time is abundant and includes lots wine and laughter</span></li>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Our house is <i><span style="color: #666666;">(ideally)</span></i> this sweet wonderful little allergen-free bubble where all four of us feel safe and happy and nurtured and nourished and loved and even challenged -- but in the best possible way. For some, our life would be insanely boring to the point of rage, but to us, it is just right.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0CPfYM8GGnSdRYwChxUXZE7p5cdzbmORFdmuglO1f39YhK7dHg1gzl09dl4eKDnDYwLed134aFJ1HtkZsc04jWHpD4LAxh5-kRNZv9XdVF2SX4D3fqzHE5fK1w4Chse3OQ0o7ZNm_a6-5/s1600/IMG_2295.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0CPfYM8GGnSdRYwChxUXZE7p5cdzbmORFdmuglO1f39YhK7dHg1gzl09dl4eKDnDYwLed134aFJ1HtkZsc04jWHpD4LAxh5-kRNZv9XdVF2SX4D3fqzHE5fK1w4Chse3OQ0o7ZNm_a6-5/s1600/IMG_2295.JPG" height="150" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">These past months, life wasn't just right. It started because Jake had rather sudden but very necessary reconstructive surgery on his achilles tendon and literally could do NOTHING. He was on lots of pain pills and felt useless and weighty. I kept trying to do it all but would fail miserably without my other half <i><span style="color: #666666;">(who I realized carries quite a load-- literally and figuratively)</span></i>. I was tired and frail and spent. My head and soul physically ached. Our daughter in constant tears, our middle school son withdrawn and angry. We were well beyond, "feigning happy". On those very rare occasions when we were seen in public, people politely asked the obligatory, "How are you?" Our answers ranged from:</span></div>
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<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">We've seen better days; in all honesty, you probably don't want to ask.</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Seriously<span style="font-family: inherit;"> crappy, even with Xanax and Norco</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Do you want the truth?! You can't handle the truth!</span></li>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We had plenty of help. That wasn't the issue. We are surrounded by people who love us and who support us. My parents came in and built the most amazing covered pergola that felt like a whole new wing on our house, especially wonderful because we were so immobile. We were sent our favorite chips and salsa with margaritas and beer.... delivered to our door with no strings attached. Others still came over when we wouldn't leave the house and played cards, got their own drinks, and didn't mind that we were a cranky mess. Our kids had a million unreciprocated carpools and open-ended play-dates. An aunt gave me <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/637024338" target="_blank">a book that was encouraging and wonderful</a> and nourished me on a deep level. GG made a colorful afghan of roses so beautiful that when I crawl under it I can feel her protective love. My mother in law gave extra money toward our recovery trip. Jake's brother took him faithfully to the horse track where he would laugh and feel normal. Many asked what we needed when they were out on errands. Lots of hugs, meals, and tear-filled knowing nods. I can't even name all of the things that people did to help make the season easier, mostly because it is all a giant blur...</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">All of it helped, but it didn't change the fact that we were so out of balance and days were not getting better. I told myself to, "buck up half soldier, you are being a ridiculous wimp" at least 200 times. I tried to bury myself in novels and mini-series so that I didn't have to think about our out of control <i><span style="color: #666666;">(albeit hopefully temporary)</span></i> real life, but our real life kept screaming for attention. I was on new BP meds <i><span style="color: #666666;">(which were working but my body takes awhile to regulate)</span></i>. School and behavior struggles with the kids. We had the worst stomach bug ever fly through a couple of us; hitting me the worst, I literally saw only black from being so so so sick. A friend died <i><span style="color: #666666;">(finally and mercifully by this point)</span></i> from cancer, leaving a broken and grieving husband... the list goes on but I won't bore you.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">At a couple of points, when obligation beckoned</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> us to leave the house, I would half-kiddingly murmur, <i>"Or we could just stay in our little bubble / cave / nest / sanctuary and sit on the couch and cry."</i> To which our daughter would respond with longing, <i>"Oh, mom, that would perfect. Can we please just do that instead?" </i> </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Despite our best planning and our conscious choices: Our family was a mess. I'm not saying this melodramatically or to get pity or for empathy or even as an excuse, but more just to be real and genuine and to release myself through confession. We were restless and exhausted without deep sleep or adequate exercise. We were impatient without reason. We were over-whelmed by everything and nothing; unable to be creative, or write, or cook, or even use <a href="http://pinterest.com/kellyvalli" target="_blank">pinterest</a>, and with a relate-able melancholy bond to the many many songs about breaking down and being unwell and homesick... <b>for the way life was...</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Eventually, school was out, homework done, lockers cleaned, house sterilized from the flu, soccer season over, tears shed, obligations ended, Jake was somewhat mobile <span style="color: #666666;"><i>(at least for short distances or on a knee scooter)</i></span>. As a family, we unplugged <i><span style="color: #666666;">(literally)</span></i> and took a very long, much-needed, uncomplicated, unexciting, <i><span style="color: #666666;">(and cheap)</span></i> road-trip to Maine; where we sat in a very remote <i><span style="color: #666666;">(15 minutes down a dirt road / 1 bar of sporadic internet)</span></i> ocean front <a href="http://www.vrbo.com/" target="_blank">VRBO </a>house. We listened to the waves, collected rocks, watched movies, read, played games, immersed in music, meditated, drank wine out of an epically awesome stainless steel travel cup <i><span style="color: #666666;">(pictured above)</span></i>, lazily made simple food, canoed, and tried desperately to recover a bit of our equilibrium --and our sanity while surrounded by a sanctuary of uninterrupted peace.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Hypnotically watching the Bay of Fundy extreme tides was so candidly symbolic of accepting the high and low tides of life. The high tides being so much more rich and rewarding <span style="color: #666666;"><i>(and a little scary)</i></span> with the perspective of the low tides in not so distant memory. The reminder that this won't last but it also won't be the last low tide -- that we made it and we will make it again. Learning to ride the high and low tides together, and with more grace. That when the fog eventually lifts <span style="color: #666666;"><i>(and it eventually will)</i></span> the sun still sets beautifully, even when the tides are lowest. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We drove home late on the 4th through a never-ending surreal parade of fireworks welcoming us back to our real life. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Our wine glass is looking half full again. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Our inner serenity is starting to grow and spread. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Jake can walk again, slowly and not for distances, but he can walk. Our "bare minimum" middle-schooler is starting to pull some extra weight without fighting back so hard. Our daughter is returning to calm and happy. I feel like cooking and writing and planning and socializing. Our prayers are not the desperate pleas for strength to cope but transitioning to thanksgiving and peace and acceptance: The special acceptance that sometimes, many times, proper healing isn't easy or fun. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sometimes the tide goes even lower than we think it can. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sometimes things get worse before</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> they get better. We must painfully break or fully sever in order to become better than we were before, but it is all worth it. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">And now, with a private wink to each other, we can honestly answer, </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">"Yes my friend, we are doing okay."</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>I've never ever been the type of person who fakes things. I hope it is evident by this point, but the "Feigning Middle Class" blog title is very tongue in cheek because I don't really feign much of anything-- which is why it is kind of ironic and funny to me-- I actually pride myself on transparency. It is a quality that I always admire and respect in people. </i></span><i style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I will be my normal happy self soon. I know that I am not likable at these times. I certainly don't like myself, but I also promise that you will get the real me, moles... warts... crazy teeth... bruised spirits... limping gaits and all...</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">oh -- and my personal sunset at rock-bottom?! turns out, rock-bottom makes me skinnier. I'd frankly rather be a little more round but overflowingly happy.</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">oh -- and the literal silver-lining? I started losing a ton of hair, probably from the stress and the new meds. The new hair coming in? Mostly silver. I went from about 10 gray hairs to about 200... not sure how I feel about this particular silver-lining.</i></span></div>
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Simple Sanityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05567547048310310691noreply@blogger.com0Remote Coast of Maine44.5587274100389 -67.26774196679684841.6243314100389 -72.431315966796845 47.4931234100389 -62.104167966796851tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5106666004389287187.post-65059348436339392982013-03-24T09:25:00.000-05:002013-03-26T08:11:52.751-05:00Going to the Chapel<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am officially in a stage of life where I appreciate the wedding <u>ceremony</u> more than the reception. Now those people who have been at my table</span><span style="color: #666666; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i> </i></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">might beg to differ; I'm quite sure there are more than a couple of wedding videos out there that would confirm my overly good time at most receptions. Let me clarify that I make sure to do my job as an attendee and enjoy the heck out of the celebration part of the wedding. I get a sitter for the kids, eat gluten, drink wine, pleasantly gossip, and consistently work hand in hand with my sister in law to set up our adorable, funny, smart brother in law. I do my fair share of laughing through <span style="color: #666666;"><i>(or at)</i></span> the toasts <i><span style="color: #666666;">(taking part in kind-hearted wagers on tears or embarrassing stories)</span></i> and enjoy every bit of the dining, music, wine, and socializing, but I love the wedding ceremony...</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">One would think that it would get old <i><span style="color: #666666;">(we go to a lot of weddings*)</span></i>, especially the repetition, but it doesn't. I look forward to every one and get misty when I see the bride walk down the aisle with whomever is playing her supporting role. I love to be at a wedding where the couple looks nervous until they see each other, and then a calm spreads over them; where they just adore each other, and can't wait to start the rest of their lives... together. I love the re-commitment to my own marriage and family.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There has not been one wedding where my DH and I have not silently sat, hands clasped together, and renewed our own vows with the couple. Some of the vows are traditional <span style="color: #666666;"><i>(as were ours - as wordy as both of us are, we figured, why mess with the tried and true)</i></span>, or entirely unique. Some are confidently memorized while others are barely whispered through tears. I love the personal touches and the joy of a couple surrounded by God and all of the people dearest to them; those ready to support and encourage them through the next phase of life.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Today, I'm thinking and celebrating my sister's wedding 7 years ago today, and with that, I went through some old boxes and found a crumpled, wrinkled, and water-stained copy of my toast:</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsGv95A_6OAPwcpwM8_2Vk7z_IzPYrZlbY4kIOeetHYITHQzefChvcn7PForeunniBH4Q3gPirsAluK_6ITYrJYkPicR63BYtRowiA67MvbdORaATHQDI5XVkyfoBfo5V3peZ28t2fhH8F/s1600/Y21+1st+dance+2-001.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsGv95A_6OAPwcpwM8_2Vk7z_IzPYrZlbY4kIOeetHYITHQzefChvcn7PForeunniBH4Q3gPirsAluK_6ITYrJYkPicR63BYtRowiA67MvbdORaATHQDI5XVkyfoBfo5V3peZ28t2fhH8F/s320/Y21+1st+dance+2-001.JPG" width="212" /></a><span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: inherit;">Hi. I am Kelly... the Bride's only sibling, the Matron of Honor, and her dear friend. I know that <i>generally speaking</i>, not everyone is as <b>excited</b> about giving a toast as I am about giving this one, but I can't tell you how long I've looked forward to this moment...</span><br />
<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: inherit;">You see, <i>generally speaking</i>, the Bride and I are not your "normal" sisters. We like each other a lot, hardly ever argue, and talk about a hundred times a day. I love my sister and think that she is the best. No one in my mind could make my sister as happy or appreciate her as much as she deserves...</span><br />
<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: inherit;">And then I met... the Groom... I have to admit that at first I was pretty skeptical; I assumed that he liked my sister for her outward beauty but had no idea of her inner strength, creativity, generosity, and compassion. As I watched them as a couple, I noticed that they talk abut everything, they care for each other, respect each other, and love each other completely.</span><br />
<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">And now, today, I look at the Bride and Groom-- both with their moments of matching laughter, tears, </span>neurosis<span style="font-family: inherit;">, </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">and ulcers<i> (pause for laughter)</i></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> --I can't help but smile and be </span><b style="font-family: inherit;">excited</b><span style="font-family: inherit;"> for the them and this adventure they are about to start.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: inherit;">So, it is with great honor, great privilege, and great <b>excitement</b>, that I offer up this toast to my sister and her husband...</span><br />
<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
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<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: inherit;"><b style="font-family: inherit;">With each passing day:</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: inherit;">May you grow to love, appreciate, and respect each other more;</span></div>
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<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: inherit;">May you cherish every moment together as the blessing that it is;</span></div>
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<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: inherit;">May you meet your trials arm in arm; growing stronger because of them;</span></div>
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<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: inherit;">May you toast your victories as a team and give each other support in defeat;</span></div>
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<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: inherit;"><b>May your love be so contagious that it can't help but infect every life that you touch.</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: inherit;">My Hope</span></div>
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<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: inherit;">My Prayer,</span></div>
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<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: inherit;">My Love,</span></div>
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<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: inherit;">And my Blessing,</span></div>
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<b style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #0c343d; font-size: large;">----Cheers----</span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: #134f5c; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Happy 7th Anniversary </span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><a href="http://simplesanityinsuburbia.blogspot.com/2013/02/1-all-you-need-is-love.html">For a Complete List of the Bloggy Mini Series on Love</a></span></div>
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<span style="color: #666666;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">*Not everyone is "lucky" enough to go to as many weddings as me and my DH <i>(it is actually a running joke with our friends that my DH must moonlight as a minister because we go to so many)</i>. If it has been awhile for you, </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">if at no other time, at least on your anniversary... </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> consider going through... together... </span></span><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #666666;">your wedding / honeymoon albums</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #666666;">re-reading advice cards from your bridal shower</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #666666;">dusting off the video</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #666666;">visiting the church where you were married</span></span></li>
<li><span style="color: #666666;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">dining at the restaurant of your rehearsal</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> dinner</span></span></li>
<li><span style="color: #666666; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">reenacting the place you proposed</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #666666; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">dancing to your first song in the middle of the living room</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #666666; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">going on your first date, again...</span></li>
</ul>
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<span style="color: #666666; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Oh - and if you were betting on my toast... I beat the Matron of Honor odds... NO TEARS.</span></div>
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Simple Sanityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05567547048310310691noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5106666004389287187.post-17405448053600929032013-03-21T09:54:00.000-05:002013-03-24T07:51:07.928-05:00Sick of SPAM (and winter)<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<b><span style="font-size: x-large;">The Miracle in a Can</span></b><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDUamG2sZCsuVHfbZC2lb9y56k-z2-Z-6E8z0SCG6lvyQVEB2J5Vco_1atlg9Ul9DwUIfZWBqFMduVMgXcNgpC6Dgf4HP99px-SOGwQUUPfbqHdZuGNwxzxZJpdZitjp_TohKleFw47x_B/s1600/IMG_3959.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDUamG2sZCsuVHfbZC2lb9y56k-z2-Z-6E8z0SCG6lvyQVEB2J5Vco_1atlg9Ul9DwUIfZWBqFMduVMgXcNgpC6Dgf4HP99px-SOGwQUUPfbqHdZuGNwxzxZJpdZitjp_TohKleFw47x_B/s320/IMG_3959.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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I've been on a brief blogging hiatus, partly because I try to be a happy blogger and this never ending winter has been kind of a downer. The other part is that becoming a consistent blogger comes with a cost that I was unaware of. I've gotten a bazillion blog comments, mostly overly kind flattery, which to some may indicate a near viral style success... but I'm naturally wary. I'll give you a couple of examples:</div>
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<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">As much as I'd like to believe that my readership has literally exploded all across Asia (I have visions of walking off the plane to thousands of Russian fans), I'm quite sure that I'm just being spam spam spam spam spammed to death. So my bloggy buddies, I've changed the blog format and am no longer accepting anonymous comments. Although feeling like I have a wide readership has been fun, and honestly these </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">comments are truly amusing to read, it is nearly a part-time job to weed through these never ending compliments and avoid having them read by the general public. I've deleted all of the links on the above posts as I'm quite sure that NOBODY should ever click on them unless they are looking to permanently wreck their computer. </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222;">Surviving (barely) until the Weather Breaks!!</span></div>
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Simple Sanityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05567547048310310691noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5106666004389287187.post-69141043530823515242013-02-21T06:00:00.000-06:002013-02-26T06:55:39.743-06:00Better Together<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSrVesBmT5sI_wp5ekvN9XMAM1ssUDK68EQHGJoRPHr0ckkYtWKa1lE1nMAy7umxhN4TyLXFqc3WSs-4enkG9DO5fvmog7iEgBxwVEMo-Moj_dyP_np1fii5NBLa9fRk0ydYI_P-OiYMRz/s1600/IMG_9361.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSrVesBmT5sI_wp5ekvN9XMAM1ssUDK68EQHGJoRPHr0ckkYtWKa1lE1nMAy7umxhN4TyLXFqc3WSs-4enkG9DO5fvmog7iEgBxwVEMo-Moj_dyP_np1fii5NBLa9fRk0ydYI_P-OiYMRz/s640/IMG_9361.JPG" width="425" /></a><b><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-large;">9 - Emotional Intimacy & Individuality</span></b><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We found these two trees
while hiking in the mountains of Washington state. They are by far
the largest trees on this particular hike and reside on a bed of rocks at a
very aggressive mountain stream. A plaque told us that the entire forest
was burnt to the ground at one point </span><i style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #666666;">(a hundred years ago)</span></i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> but these two trees
remained because of how close they were together and how close they were to
water. These trees were better and stronger together than apart. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I don't really want to
turn this into a sermon illustration, but every couple needs their own
traditions, routines, and habits to form a strong emotional relationship that can
withstand what the world will throw at it:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<ul type="disc">
<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Shows always watched together<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Friday Night Dates (with genuine listening & talking)<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal">Adventures together</li>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Certain sporting events or movies or games or concerts<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Family or charity work or projects<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Square Dancing, bowling, cards, or softball</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Breakfast at Tiffany's</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></li>
</ul>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">These things give
couples common ground and consistency but here is where this particular
blogette becomes less about marriage and more about life. I love how
these particular trees garner strength as they grow side by side rather than
entwined completely. It is probably a
little tricky to give each other encouragement and support, </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">to grow side by side</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">, but yet not grow apart <span style="color: #666666;"><i>(or choke each other)</i></span> as each tries to reach for the sun and the water. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There is something to be said for maintaining an individual identity that is separate from your role as spouse or parent or even grandparent. It is vital that both people find fulfillment in each
other, that they know they are better together than without, but still have
individualism; I'm sure this gets even more complicated in retirement or when a
couple works together but it is important to have some varied interests and endeavors that
are healthy*: time with alternate non-couple friends / art classes /
sporting events / book clubs / Bible studies / tennis / volunteer work / photography.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'll never forget a
rather embarrassing <i><span style="color: #666666;">(at the time)</span></i> story: We were in the earlier years of marriage, my DH was in the middle of one
of his masters degrees, had a full-time job, and a 2nd part-time job. We
had a really active toddler and a baby. I was working in the office.
We had very little couple time and we were always trying to fit in as
much as we could. While we were together with a group of friends, someone
asked me what my DH's thesis was about. I couldn't remember for the life
of me. My DH, who I loved and adored, spent HOURS a week on something but
I had absolutely no idea what it was. I knew it had something to do with… !?!?!
English?! Literature!? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">At the time I felt just
awful, like I barely knew my own husband, but the reality was that in our precious time together, we didn't want it wasted so our talking rarely ever
included his masters <i><span style="color: #666666;">(or my other interests either)</span></i>. As time went on, we
would have more time but still have many other activities that we did
individually rather than as a couple. Golfing, yoga, art classes, music, books, my old
column... even this blog. It isn’t a secret. He knows that I write it. He knows how
and where to read it, he likes it, and loves that I am doing it but doesn't
take the time to check it <span style="color: #666666;"><i>(unless someone says, "Did you see
what Kelly wrote last week?!" -- at which point, I usually sigh and say, "Ugh, now what?! Why do I do this to myself?!")</i></span> We ask each other how work was;
neither of us are at the CIA, there isn't an impenetrable code of
ethics or silence over our professions but rarely do we talk about it for long.
I know a couple of the people at his job and he knows some of mine but we
have some very separate experiences* from work and home and then
as parents.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Emotional intimacy
is not necessarily about doing everything together or being completely entwined in every
aspect of each other’s lives. There are details that lead to
emotional intimacy but it is mostly a matter of the soul and faithfulness and trust and growth
<i><span style="color: #666666;">(together)</span></i>. I'm not sure the secret to finding the perfect balance <span style="color: #666666;"><i>(maybe
in 40 more years)</i></span> but I do sense that our endeavors as individuals make our marriage
<span style="color: #666666;"><i>(and parenting)</i></span> more dynamic and fulfilling. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Disclaimer: these individual activities should not be dangerous, cause jealousy or
be rocky ground for mistakes or a financial burden on the family or even take up too much precious time/energy. The goal is to find HEALTHY activities that can be easily
supported by both partners-- most likely not high-stakes gambling, an assigned seat at the local tavern, modeling, sky-diving, etc... Think artistic or athletic or intellectual or </span>philanthropic.<br />
<br />
Disclaimer 2: there are stages of life, especially when the kids are little or money and time are tight, that extra personal endeavors take a bit of a back seat. I would encourage you to not bury them entirely. Try to find little ways to "sharpen the saw", maybe just a couple of hours a week, to fulfill individual interests or at least enjoy a walk in solitude or coffee with friends.<br />
<br />
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: inherit;"><i>*Even w</i></span><i style="color: #666666; font-family: inherit;">hen at parties or events, we try to sit by other people so when we get home we can catch each other up... Frankly, I'm much better at this than him. I will come home knowing all sorts of information about job changes and babies and catastrophes and he found out that they came in 3rd for their fantasy football league but felt like they were robbed and should have won.</i><br />
<i style="color: #666666; font-family: inherit;"><br /></i>
<i style="color: #666666; font-family: inherit;"><br /></i>
<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: inherit; text-align: center;"><b><a href="http://simplesanityinsuburbia.blogspot.com/2013/02/1-all-you-need-is-love.html" style="text-align: center;" target="_blank">For a regularly updated and concise list of all of the mini blog series on love: refer to the Intro / Love is all You Need</a></b></span><br />
<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: inherit; text-align: center;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: inherit; text-align: center;">I'm taking the weekend off! See you Monday at 6am! </span></div>
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</div>
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Simple Sanityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05567547048310310691noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5106666004389287187.post-55073544462679497132013-02-20T06:00:00.000-06:002013-03-24T14:25:34.073-05:00Let's Spend the Night Together<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<b><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 24pt;">8 - Physical Intimacy</span></b><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><i><span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 13.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">(it isn't just for the
weekend anymore)</span></i></b><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">At this point, if you haven't full
on decided that marriage is just too much work <i><span style="color: #666666;">(you
shouldn't, these are just little suggestions to add from time to time --
personally, I wish someone would write one of these on how to groom ones-self
as I have never really gotten past the shower / comb my hair step)</span></i><span style="font-size: small;"> and
you are still reading, you are saying to yourself, "Kelly, this is all
fine <span style="color: #666666;"><i>(albeit sappy and borderline sentimental)</i></span>, and I can see how it would make for a happier marriage but it will lead
to...</span><i> ideas</i><span style="font-size: small;">. And quite frankly, I am WAY too tired and
stretched for any extra </span><i>intimacy</i><span style="font-size: small;">..."<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<a name='more'></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You are right, that is precisely where this is
leading <i><span style="color: #666666;">(family, if you want to close your
eyes and say nananananana, I get it, but I will try to make this topic
as benign as possible-- and don't worry, I'd prefer we never talked
about this face to face also)</span></i>. I'm sure there are many many many couples
deeply in love out there where both partners feel like being special room-mates
is a happy life; physical intimacy is fine for anniversaries,
birthdays, and an occasional holiday... but MOST happy couples have an active and fulfilling love-life after marriage <i><span style="color: #666666;">(yes, even with little kids, a spare-tire, and stretch marks that look like a road-map)</span></i>.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm sure you've heard the analogy
equating physical intimacy and fruit before, but in case there is a
couple who needs a reminder: it is like <i>watermelon</i>. It
seems like so much work: </span><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">the thumping on watermelons to find a good one, the
loading it into the cart, the buying, the rolling around in the trunk, the
lugging home, the finding and sharpening of the huge knife, the laboriously
slicing (without slicing off a finger), and getting rid of seeds,</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> but after it is done and you are enjoying
the wonderful sweetness... it was totally worth it and you wonder why it was
such a big deal before.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There will be times in life when one
or both partners are physically, mentally, and/or emotional exhausted.
There will be times when one is insecure or sick or depressed or cranky -- but I would
argue that lots of love is even more vital then. It may not be terribly
creative or a marathon worthy experience but it is so important that both
people feel physically engaged and embraced and cherished. Physical
intimacy heals all sorts of hurts, it builds confidence, and creates a bond.
It is the reward for all of the hard-work of marriage <i><span style="color: #666666;">(and life)</span></i>. If you find
yourself with physical intimacy issues <span style="color: #666666;"><i>(especially if it is important
to your partner)</i></span>, you owe it to yourself to resolve them:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If you are the "it's on" partner and you are tired of asking because the answer is always no, maybe
try using some of the earlier habits <i><span style="color: #666666;">(not
to excess or your partner will think you've gone crazy - and possibly run)</span></i>. Start by really helping around the house and catering to little needs / desires. My DH
has a joke that goes something like, </span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>"the harder you work, the luckier you
get."</b></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> The eventual goal being that your partner feels so loved and
supported and cared for that they "give in" <span style="color: #666666;"><i>(that sounds way worse and more transactional than it is).</i></span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If you are the "not
tonight" partner... I have a headache, I'm beat, I have to wake up early,
my body is a mess, the kids have been hanging on me all day, it is girls night, the game is on, the kids won't go to bed, etc. I
urge you to consider saying YES, every time, until Lent is over <i><span style="color: #666666;">(not quite sure that is what the early Christians envisioned but probably not heresy)</span></i>. Just see
how it goes. Are you really more tired? Did it help give incentive
to get the kids into their own bed? Did the game turn out differently because you didn't watch the end live? Is your partner more attentive and
helpful when he/she feels physically fulfilled? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Whichever end you are on <i><span style="color: #666666;">(or hopefully somewhere in the middle)</span></i>... get
really good at lovin' and knowing what makes your partner happy. It is a skill well worth mastering. There are many many many years ahead of you as a
couple and physical intimacy can be one of the most rewarding parts of
marriage... especially because it goes hand in hand with
emotional intimacy...<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><span style="color: #666666;">See you tomorrow at 6am!</span></i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #666666;">If there are real problems, either
physical or emotional or historical, please consider dealing with them, not just for your
marriage or your partner but for yourself. “A study” went out
saying that people who are “physically fulfilled” 3 times a week are 50% less
likely to suffer a heart attack… so if nothing else, do it for your heart <3</span><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #666666;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #666666;">BLOG UPDATE 3/24/13 - Just today, one of my favorite bloggers wrote on the subject; I find her candid views so true and wonderful on a million levels. <a href="http://www.theveryworstmissionary.com/2013/03/sex.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+JamieTheVeryWorstMissionary+%28Jamie+the+Very+Worst+Missionary%29" target="_blank">Take a second to read it.</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Let's Spend the Night Together -
Rolling Stones<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="http://simplesanityinsuburbia.blogspot.com/2013/02/1-all-you-need-is-love.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: inherit;"><b>For a regularly updated and concise list of all of the mini blog series on love: refer to the Intro / Love is all You Need</b></span></a></div>
</div>
Simple Sanityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05567547048310310691noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5106666004389287187.post-67592325636223100502013-02-19T06:00:00.000-06:002013-02-19T09:43:30.810-06:00Message in a Bottle<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1nhIGSw7LB4l1OwAtwT1k2WdO36KUIPN2IkBGWnGfBFoQC6i20x7wxlpfhGavLILD-u00zGQcPuAildKtHExcmorkJPxDcetysfvKpi55TEen34K-n0tArD9CxqCCh5hED115YBHXhzT_/s1600/IMG_4883.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1nhIGSw7LB4l1OwAtwT1k2WdO36KUIPN2IkBGWnGfBFoQC6i20x7wxlpfhGavLILD-u00zGQcPuAildKtHExcmorkJPxDcetysfvKpi55TEen34K-n0tArD9CxqCCh5hED115YBHXhzT_/s320/IMG_4883.JPG" width="319" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-large;"><b>7 - Notes & Texting & IM</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">One tiny crazy little note can make someone feel special all day. My DH taught me this a long long time ago; I have a box of them. They would be passed to me from other people, I'd find them in my daily planners <i><span style="color: #666666;">(which I carried everywhere)</span></i>, on a pizza box left in my car on days I worked late, mailed to my dorm room, stuck to the mirror / the fridge / the coffee maker, but it is much easier now a days...</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The
old-fashioned note is still sweet and endearing but occasional witty texts
are wonderful and so simple. Texting is life-changing and practical for orchestrating
busy lives or who will pick up dinner/the carpool but it is just fun to send quick messages
during the day <span style="color: #666666; font-style: italic;">(or even when together but at different ends of a party). </span>They don't need to be long or deep or symbolic. It doesn't need to be a hundred times a day, just an occasional reminder that you are thinking of them:</span><br />
<a name='more'></a></div>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;">Level 1: "Meeting go okay? love you"</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;">Level 2: "You feeling better? You looked bushed! Stay strong! Relaxing night ahead!"</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;">Level 3: "Can't wait! You, me, our couch, a glass of wine, and Castle tonight!" </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;">Advanced: if you really are gifted, you can turn anything into a funny flirty text, "Nah, don't worry about it, your BP is high but you are sexy as hell"</span></li>
</ul>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Another easy way to incorporate effective notes into a regular routine is by adding happy tasks to the to do lists and calendars. <span style="text-align: justify;">Personally, I've found that happy weekend to do lists get done much faster than evil to do lists </span><i style="text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #666666;">(even for myself)</span></i><span style="text-align: justify;">. I also tend to combine our lists so that we all cross stuff off and feel like a team. It may just be us, but it has been working for years</span>:</span><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<u><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Sample Weekend Family To Do List:</b></span></u></div>
<br />
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li>straighten bedrooms & all laundry down the shoot</li>
<li>pick up $1 coffees at McDonalds</li>
<li>Costco - milk / yogurt / almonds / rotisserie chicken</li>
<li>Walmart - bread / beer / cereal / shaving cream</li>
<li>Pete's Fresh Market - bananas / apples / onions / peppers / chicken / jambalaya makings?</li>
<li>DH schedule golf with bros </li>
<li>SS write new blog draft & read more of Divergent ;0)</li>
<li>water plants & empty dishwasher (kiddos?)</li>
<li>sweep kitchen floor (it is so gross! There is an actual potato down there!)</li>
<li>clean fridge & make pancakes for the week</li>
<li>garbage & recycling out (including those dried up paint cans)</li>
<li>change laundry load (make sure comfy pants go in)</li>
<li>vacuum the stairs & clean toilets</li>
<li>kiss your wife (with gusto)</li>
<li>fix the light in the front closet</li>
<li>clean-out kids school folders & finish homework</li>
<li>get to basketball on time</li>
<li>date night with Monk Season 3 (he is hot)</li>
</ul>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm not a huge fan of public FB shout-outs... but it works for some couples... Notes, Texts, & IMs are easy, a good way to communicate, and make your partner feel special.... and making your partner feel special leads to intimacy....</span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">See you tomorrow at 6am!!</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #666666; font-size: x-small;">Message in a Bottle / Send out an SOS - The Police</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #666666; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #666666; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #666666; font-size: x-small;">PS - just so nobody panics and thinks I've lost my marbles... I still do my own enormous planner / to do list / spreadsheet, but this is the list that the family needs to do. We all add stuff to it (well, I don't think the kids have EVER thought something practical needed adding), but this one sits on the counter all week so that we don't forget the stuff that needs attention when we finally have free time.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #666666; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></span></span><a href="http://simplesanityinsuburbia.blogspot.com/2013/02/1-all-you-need-is-love.html" style="text-align: center;" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: inherit;"><b>For a regularly updated and concise list of all of the mini blog series on love: refer to the Intro / Love is all You Need</b></span></a></div>
</div>
Simple Sanityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05567547048310310691noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5106666004389287187.post-73970241641932628242013-02-18T06:00:00.000-06:002013-02-26T08:05:40.044-06:00So What!?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<b><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-large;">6 - Healthy Communication</span></b><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</v:imagedata></v:shape>Even the happiest marriage <i>(not claiming that is us)</i> has frustrations, disagreements, and occasionally all out epic battles. We've all
said mean and hurtful things that we regret; even the most balanced people have
at some point in the heat of passion, reacted exclusively on emotions or solely
on facts; but happy couples figure out mature and healthy ways to communicate:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Communication Styles to Avoid:<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Communication Styles to Consider:<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">using plates like a Frisbee<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">swearing like a sailor<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">slamming doors<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">crying or yelling <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">arguing with an
audience (especially the kids)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">giving
the cold shoulder<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">throwing things (especially punches)</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 239.4pt;" valign="top" width="319"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">writing lists of pros
and cons<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">holding hands while
talking<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">taking the alternate
position (just to see how it goes)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">talking in a public
place while enjoying a meal <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">walking / hiking while
talking<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">break from the
topic to think (but not for too long)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</td>
</tr>
</tbody></table>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There are a million
books and talk shows and sitcoms that give advice on various communication. Some people like a straightforward approach, others need calm details, and since
this is a bloggette, I’ll try to keep advice to the minimum (ha!) and hopefully
things mostly universal:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<a name='more'></a><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Never start the conversation
when hungry or tired or over-whelmed <span style="color: #666666;"><i>(or heavily self-medicated)</i></span>. Regardless of what Hollywood leads us to
believe, there are very few situations that MUST have resolution immediately or
utter catastrophe will ensue <i style="color: #666666;">(usually a meteor or plague)</i> and in my experience being hungry, never brings out my most balanced side. I know that some of you
love Paul <span style="color: #666666;"><i><strike>(personally, not my favorite apostle)</strike></i></span> and he said "do not to
let the sun go down on your wrath..." but Paul wasn't married and
sometimes <i><span style="color: #666666;">(often times)</span></i> life looks a whole lot better in the morning after a
good night’s sleep. I think that the spirit is, don’t “sin in your
anger”, or go out to the bars and make bad choices and stew all night in the dog
house thinking of all of the mean and wrath-ful things you could say; but waking up with a
fresh cup of coffee and some yogurt in the soft light of morning sometimes
negates all sorts of potential hurt feelings and poor communication. It is not always <b>what</b> is said<i> (especially when over-tired)</i> but <b>when</b> and <b>how</b> it is said.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Try to get all of the
real facts before crying or yelling or throwing things or worrying; marriage is a passionate
relationship <span style="color: #666666;"><i>(ideally)</i></span> and sometimes that can lead to emotional impulses and
over-reaction. That said, avoid mixing
up honesty/facts/truth with cruelty. It may be true that your spouse is
not exactly who you thought you married, but conveying concern over the extra
weight into a discussion on the budget is almost never helpful.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Relationships have
history, painful history should hopefully not repeat itself, or be brought up
repeatedly <span style="color: #666666;"><i>(in my opinion, if you haven’t found a spouse yet, I recommend finding
a candidate with a terrible memory… like borderline Alzheimers. It is lovely)</i></span>. If your spouse does have
a memory and is continuing to bring up something that happened ions ago, there
is a good chance <span style="color: #666666;"><i>(not absolutely)</i></span> that your partner does not feel like you are
significantly sorry for the hurt that was caused. So, figure out how to make a real apology and
start refilling the love bank. <b><u>"sorry!"</u></b> does not often cut it,
especially if said while rolling one's eyes back and walking out the door.
Come up with something original, sincere, and thoughtful:</span></div>
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">"Hank, I
am truly sorry that I hurt your feelings when I spent my entire work
party talking to other people and never introduced you around... I don't know
what I was thinking. I am a knucklehead and I feel just terrible.
In the future, I will not put baby in a corner... What can I do to
help make you know how loved you are? A backrub? Dinner out? My right kidney? I really am so so so sorry."</span></blockquote>
</div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There should be no
winner or loser in marriage communication. The goal should be trying
to come up with the best over-all decision, rather than MY decision. That is the benefit of marriage, there are two
people with alternate experiences to add to the pool and hopefully help make
the best choices for the family. Partners
should give positives and negatives, maybe even play the devil’s advocate, but
in the end, nobody should be right or wrong when you are a team. Most
importantly, it is okay to change your mind but it isn't okay to bully or
become a door-mat. As the late great <a href="https://www.stephencovey.com/" target="_blank">Stephen Covey</a> says, "Win/Win or No Deal"</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But in marriage, sometimes the No Deal becomes the default and that is the problem, if all else fails,
decide how important of an issue this is to you (and to them) and determine if
this really is your hill to die on? Is
this your battle to fight? Is this the one
where you take the backseat? Do you take one for the team? Not every
issue can be a 10 on the importance scale for both people, and honestly there
will almost always be positives and negatives to all decisions, just what road
do you as partners / a family think will be most equipped to handle. Every once in a while, it is a jump
ball. This isn’t the worst thing ever… but
in healthy happy marriages; one person is not always the pinch hitter.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In all seriousness, healthy communication
doesn’t happen overnight but it is worth figuring out and the sooner the
better. If you are really struggling
with this and find yourself avoiding communication entirely because it is never
worth making waves or every little thing becomes a fight, it is probably time to read some
books or find a mediator or some “mature” married friends to help mentor or a spiritual
counselor who can help you to heal and learn how to communicate better in the
future. Although this is day 6, it is
probably one of the most important habits of truly happy couples…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And
one way to communicate better is through…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="right" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> (see you tomorrow at 6am!!)</span><span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 10pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><i>So What?! - Pink</i></span><br />
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><i><br /></i></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="http://simplesanityinsuburbia.blogspot.com/2013/02/1-all-you-need-is-love.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: inherit;"><b>For a regularly updated and concise list of all of the mini blog series on love: refer to the Intro / Love is all You Need</b></span></a></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
Simple Sanityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05567547048310310691noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5106666004389287187.post-36012538238589348232013-02-17T06:30:00.000-06:002013-02-20T07:11:04.500-06:00Sugar Magnolia<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8dljdcAOKMKHrLoQ7HbO4Fwiy5SdcycZsRtvbMiG94sPGR5q7dJxL79nYRzHhAgkMba1X8TpXvGW9HYHKkOL0SsxlENZBCjxYKSV14tZRr7amXwt8ytMgUEaRJVX5H2VL2CUeN3BnP5D9/s1600/IMG_4789.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8dljdcAOKMKHrLoQ7HbO4Fwiy5SdcycZsRtvbMiG94sPGR5q7dJxL79nYRzHhAgkMba1X8TpXvGW9HYHKkOL0SsxlENZBCjxYKSV14tZRr7amXwt8ytMgUEaRJVX5H2VL2CUeN3BnP5D9/s400/IMG_4789.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-large;"><b>5 - Be Grateful</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So if your musical taste doesn't include The Grateful Dead <i><span style="color: #666666;">(I’m not judging, you would be the minority for my blog demographic)</span></i>, I will give a quick summary of <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6y3CafoJ2mo" target="_blank">Sugar Magnolia</a>… There were so many old songs to choose from <i><span style="color: #666666;">(close runner up was The Band – <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EisXJSsULGM" target="_blank">Up on Cripple Creek</a>)</span></i> but this song is basically a hippy bragging about his woman… it is a list of all of these random things about her that he appreciates <i><span style="color: #666666;">(including that her head is a little empty)</span></i>: </span><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">She can dance to Cajun rhythm, she can wade in a drop of dew <em><span style="color: #666666;">(whatever that means?),</span></em> </span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">she pays his ticket when he speeds,</span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">she waits backstage while he sings,</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> basically, in <u>his</u> mind, she is all he could ever need, the chorus is that </span><b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">she could make happy <u>any man</u> alive… </b><i style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">personally, I just have to laugh if I think Bob Dole with that kind of woman. I don't think he would have a clue what to do with her (maybe he has another side?!)… </i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">but it is just sweet that this hippy feels so lucky with what some might find relatively useless <i><span style="color: #666666;">(and potentially unhealthy)</span></i> skills and traits.</span></div>
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<a name='more'></a><br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We tell our kids to be verbally thankful for gifts and to the carpool driver but gratefulness often gets overlooked at home. When stressors build, it is easy to be critical, especially of those closest to us: <span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">About the laundry and about the state of life and about scraps of paper and wasted money and the insane schedule and parenting strategies and time spent on the golf course and abandoned socks and haphazardly discarded coats.</span> Especially if your relationship is trapped in a cycle of criticism, challenge yourself to think of one thing to be thankful for everyday and verbalize it. If gratitude is not audibly expressed, people can start to feel under-appreciated. It is important to find a way to be genuinely grateful for your spouse, even / especially for the craziest stuff. Once you've been grateful for the assumed household roles <i><span style="color: #666666;">(like laundry, dinner, garbage, cleaning, homework),</span></i> try mixing in some more creative qualities that might go over-looked:</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></div>
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</div>
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The way the bed is warmer</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">His awful memory - because he forgets the grocery list but also my flaws & mistakes</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">How well the mini-van gets backed into the garage</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The smile when having a dance party with the kids</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">That the toilet seat is never up</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The laugh while watching <a href="http://www.cbs.com/shows/how_i_met_your_mother/" target="_blank">How I Met Your Mother</a></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The crazy hair curls when it is humid</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">That my gas tank always gets filled </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">That the lights left on by the kids drive him just as nuts as me</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The confident bounce when he walks</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The extreme huggableness when in comfy pants</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></li>
</ul>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We aren't personally in a cycle of criticism right now, but we have been there before. It is a little tricky to get out of but at least one gratitude a day starts to shift the routine. There are few times when after I've prepared dinner <i><span style="color: #666666;">(I happen hold the roll of head chef in our house)</span></i>, he doesn't kiss me on the forehead, saying, ”MuuuuuwaaaHHHH! Delicioso my love! The mashed potatoes tasted like frosting!" and then proceed to wash dishes and make coffee for the next morning while I dry and chat about our days and try very hard to be the kind of woman that he feels "could make happy, any man alive." <span style="color: #666666;"><i>(although honestly, I think most anyone but him would find living with me, my neurosis, and my borderline mental illness exhausting)</i></span> and in turn... we both feel very very very grateful.... </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZgPxvjDZUM1ywY4Cxku3Xe8lfn-oGeSu-q_TwMZLsQV8GCamXzpcX_wRGDFc0DvG8e5LKSJVmDsbcMEUgkDoxlQ7a4YJKSpfcIs3B3Kee-0WGUYEVp65WVUlZnt9E_kVIUE3QgZh-2Gb5/s1600/IMG_1217.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZgPxvjDZUM1ywY4Cxku3Xe8lfn-oGeSu-q_TwMZLsQV8GCamXzpcX_wRGDFc0DvG8e5LKSJVmDsbcMEUgkDoxlQ7a4YJKSpfcIs3B3Kee-0WGUYEVp65WVUlZnt9E_kVIUE3QgZh-2Gb5/s320/IMG_1217.JPG" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This kind of gratefulness builds a bridge to healthy communication...</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">See you tomorrow at 6am my </span>comrade<span style="font-family: inherit;">! Hopefully your V-day weekend was filled with fun and happiness and love and gratitude!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: inherit;"><b>We often take for granted the very things that most deserve our gratitude -- Cynthia Ozick</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: inherit;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: inherit;"><b><br /></b></span><a href="http://simplesanityinsuburbia.blogspot.com/2013/02/1-all-you-need-is-love.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: inherit;"><b>For a regularly updated and concise list of all of the mini blog series on love: refer to the Intro / Love is all You Need</b></span></a></div>
</div>
Simple Sanityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05567547048310310691noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5106666004389287187.post-12056271001553347932013-02-16T06:00:00.000-06:002013-02-26T08:08:34.613-06:00Magic Carpet Ride<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGr7tmj9et9qhjZLJSNpI_FusYMfmCcsXZ1Kt8zXx1YMWad-wzuL8yDdOd8SXOVPlwmNXncrdJoL7HH9JEn81FNlx5hSeEdyORaRg4IN5LBmdjrNGimeryX4fBLtx5KEdYpqWfuRljm-uQ/s1600/IMG_7387.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGr7tmj9et9qhjZLJSNpI_FusYMfmCcsXZ1Kt8zXx1YMWad-wzuL8yDdOd8SXOVPlwmNXncrdJoL7HH9JEn81FNlx5hSeEdyORaRg4IN5LBmdjrNGimeryX4fBLtx5KEdYpqWfuRljm-uQ/s400/IMG_7387.JPG" width="400" /></a><b style="font-size: xx-large;"></b><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b style="font-size: xx-large;"><b><span style="font-family: inherit;">4 - Clean Your Room!</span></b></b><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">(did you just have flashbacks of your mother? sorry! I know I did!)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EEEzbFxEbB8" target="_blank">Magic Carpet Ride</a> Master Bedroom is admittedly a stretch but I love the song <i><span style="color: #666666;">(even though Steppenwolf is a little trippy)</span></i> and the “master bedroom" is an incredible and sacred place. It doesn't need to be the grandest room in the house, have a professionally designed bedroom set, including an organza canopy bed with a chandelier, permanent rose petals in the shape of a heart, or </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Egyptian sheets </span><i style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #666666;">(unless you can afford them-- then go for it!)</span></i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> but a Master Bedroom probably NOT have:</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></div>
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</div>
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">half-finished projects</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">dusty treadmills and stationary bikes</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">piles of bills or mail</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">ugly, faded, or peeling paint</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">kids “artwork” or toys</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">drawers and closets that can’t be opened without necessitating the jaws of life</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">a mess of piles of laundry and ironing</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">ripped sheets or flat pillows or stained comforters</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">cobwebs, tumbleweeds, litter boxes, landfills, or black holes</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">shoes in tripping locations</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></li>
</ul>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Because the MB isn't often seen by the general public, it can easily become an accidental dumping ground for everything homeless or misplaced. It isn't about having a perfectly immaculate Master Bedroom, it is about what makes you as a couple feel like you've escaped-- together. It probably won't even take a lot of money or time, just rearrange some of the stuff you already have <span style="color: #666666;"><i>(or maybe a quick trip to the Thrift Shop)</i></span>. Every couple is different on what makes an area a retreat, an oasis from the world <span style="color: #666666;"><i>(or the kids),</i></span> but here are some thoughts:</span></div>
<a name='more'></a><br />
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<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>ULTIMATE GOAL:</b> Create a space that is lovely and easy to clean <span style="color: #666666;"><i>(no more than 5 items on a surface is a good rule of thumb - beyond that begins to feel cluttered)</i></span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Remove and Relocate anything that reminds you of stress<i> or doesn't belong in the Master Bedroom <span style="color: #666666;">(see afore mentioned list)</span></i></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Go around the house and find things that you love to replace the things that were stressful<i> <span style="color: #666666;">(a pretty lamp, a picture bought on vacation, a vase of flowers, a print you've always liked)</span></i></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><span style="font-style: normal;">Locate Pictures of you as a couple: trips / dates / honeymoon / vows </span><span style="color: #666666; font-style: normal;"><i>(even if you need to tear it out of the wedding album to hang on the wall)</i></span></i></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Find some comforting subtle lighting options </span><i><span style="color: #666666;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">(I love <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000OKRCUM/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B000OKRCUM&linkCode=as2&tag=feigmiddclas-20%22%3ESalt%20Lamp%20Fire%20Bowl%3C/a%3E%3Cimg%20src=%22http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=feigmiddclas-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B000OKRCUM%22%20width=%221%22%20height=%221%22%20border=%220%22%20alt=%22%22%20style=%22border:none%20!important;%20margin:0px%20!important;%22%20/%3E" target="_blank">Himalayan Salt Lamps</a> - healthy and beautiful)</span></span></i></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Clean out under the bed, drawers, and closets <span style="color: #666666;"><i>(Does it fit? Do you love it? Do you wear it? Does it look good on you? - if any answer is no, donate it)</i></span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Pick a good scent, especially if you don't spray your perfume in the bedroom. I like </span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0025N1AYU/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B0025N1AYU&linkCode=as2&tag=feigmiddclas-20%22%3EBath%20&%20Body%20Works%20Aromatherapy%20Lavender%20Vanilla%20Sleep%20Pillow%20Mist%204%20fl%20oz%3C/a%3E%3Cimg%20src=%22http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=feigmiddclas-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B0025N1AYU%22%20width=%221%22%20height=%221%22%20border=%220%22%20alt=%22%22%20style=%22border:none%20!important;%20margin:0px%20!important;%22%20/%3E" target="_blank">lavender</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0025N1AYU/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B0025N1AYU&linkCode=as2&tag=feigmiddclas-20%22%3EBath%20&%20Body%20Works%20Aromatherapy%20Lavender%20Vanilla%20Sleep%20Pillow%20Mist%204%20fl%20oz%3C/a%3E%3Cimg%20src=%22http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=feigmiddclas-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B0025N1AYU%22%20width=%221%22%20height=%221%22%20border=%220%22%20alt=%22%22%20style=%22border:none%20!important;%20margin:0px%20!important;%22%20/%3E" target="_blank"> and vanilla</a>.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #666666;"><i><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-style: normal;">Procure a bed that doesn't squeak or hurt your back </span><i style="color: black;"><span style="color: #666666;">(worth making a priority in the budget)</span></i></i></span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Probably a comfortable place to sit if you can find the space. <i><span style="color: #666666;">(Sometimes, I like to hide in our room when I need a time-out)</span></i></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Consider technology guidelines.<span style="color: #666666;"> TV? Computer? Chargers? Phones? <a href="http://www.becomingminimalist.com/technology-free-bedroom/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+becomingminimalistcom+%28becomingminimalist.com%29" target="_blank">The Minimalist has some interesting insight</a>.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Possibly get a <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000R2WEJQ/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B000R2WEJQ&linkCode=as2&tag=feigmiddclas-20%22%3EHamilton%20Beach%2004383%20True%20Air%20Allergen-Reducing%20Air%20Cleaner%3C/a%3E%3Cimg%20src=%22http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=feigmiddclas-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B000R2WEJQ%22%20width=%221%22%20height=%221%22%20border=%220%22%20alt=%22%22%20style=%22border:none%20!important;%20margin:0px%20!important;%22%20/%3E" target="_blank">“white noise”</a> element to block out the real noise in the house </span><i style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #666666;">(in our case it is the sound of chattering… it doesn't stop, even in their sleep – I know I should be grateful to have kids that talk to me. Oh, and we need to block out the worst sound of all. Really. I don’t even want to write it so that you don’t cringe… </span></i><i style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">teeth grinding</span></i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-align: left;"> </span></li>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcYq9QMivizS8afoVjac-CJv2B7p5qYUcm_XF2vJZTDR6Vhy5eplNzN1yN2tiYiGlDszWKMUekIW-QsdJzCslKlvxXexoSA9F_q5UBEbInzG82UmFp0wcHwGb5E4KO6yClKe9KcTpo3fiU/s1600/IMG_7385.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcYq9QMivizS8afoVjac-CJv2B7p5qYUcm_XF2vJZTDR6Vhy5eplNzN1yN2tiYiGlDszWKMUekIW-QsdJzCslKlvxXexoSA9F_q5UBEbInzG82UmFp0wcHwGb5E4KO6yClKe9KcTpo3fiU/s320/IMG_7385.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Top Loading Display Case about $25 to make <br />
frame at Micheals on sale for $20<br />
12x12 collage print for background from costco</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As a side note, personally, I don't want pictures of the kids in our room. I love the kids to death, I think they are adorable, the culmination of our love, a perfect fit for our family; I take a million pictures of them that I cherish and they are all over our house, but in our bedroom, it is just pictures of us, as a couple, mostly self-portraits through our decades together. Our top loading dating display case hangs in our room. Cheap artwork we've collected from local artists on our couples trips adorn the walls. Our room is nothing special nor worthy of an honorable mention in Pinterest, but we love it <span style="color: #666666;"><i>(although it does need a fresh coat of paint – but I'm leery because every time I paint our bedroom, it turns out periwinkle. My poor DH)</i>.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Quite honestly, if you ever feel like your whole life is a mess <i><span style="color: #666666;">(we all do from time to time)</span></i>: your house is physically a disaster, the kids are difficult, the PTA hates you, work is grueling, your body isn't what it once was <i><span style="color: #666666;">(and may never go back)</span></i>, you are tired, the budget is impossible, there is a spider in the bathroom, it is winter, you can't find a good book, there is nothing to eat in the house, your prayers feel unanswered, you and your spouse are at odds… start by fixing up the master bedroom. Make the bed every day. Preferably together. If you wake up together, you are apt to go to bed together, which I find tends to be a lovely habit. If everything else is falling apart, let your room be your own little paradise. Don’t wake up to a disaster every day; It is the definition of getting up on the wrong side of the bed. It will make such a big difference and lead to a thankful heart…</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #134f5c; font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><b>See you tomorrow at 7am! My bloggy buddy... since it is the weekend, I'm letting you sleep in an hour.</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #666666; font-size: x-small;"><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EEEzbFxEbB8" target="_blank">Magic Carpet Ride (Steppenwolf)</a></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><a href="http://simplesanityinsuburbia.blogspot.com/2013/02/1-all-you-need-is-love.html" style="text-align: center;" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: inherit;"><b>For a regularly updated and concise list of all of the mini blog series on love: refer to the Intro / Love is all You Need</b></span></a></div>
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Simple Sanityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05567547048310310691noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5106666004389287187.post-44225873358122763012013-02-15T06:00:00.000-06:002013-02-19T09:26:04.783-06:00DANCE DANCE DANCE<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<b style="color: #0c343d; font-family: inherit; font-size: xx-large; text-align: center;">3 - Keep Dating (each other)</b></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgY6-bTPNCGFMh3BH2Jn1ZMuab9wZ0q91-uM-MgqC3p33T82KyzghhiVFHizD0cJTfsHtdiGcNYbrVFqmUZqxIr55j5GzYMWPlut_X4uH-FarPoHe1j0MlFFaT5-E3xdIExln48q0AS538W/s1600/IMG_3445.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgY6-bTPNCGFMh3BH2Jn1ZMuab9wZ0q91-uM-MgqC3p33T82KyzghhiVFHizD0cJTfsHtdiGcNYbrVFqmUZqxIr55j5GzYMWPlut_X4uH-FarPoHe1j0MlFFaT5-E3xdIExln48q0AS538W/s400/IMG_3445.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ska Fest was one of our all time favorite dates. Who would have guessed?<br />
This band was Tequila Mockingbird - clever name and they rocked</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Most likely, even if you don't embrace all the sappy commercialized Hallmarky V-day traditions <span style="color: #666666;"><i>(we certainly don't)</i></span>, you are going on a date at some point this weekend ---BUT consider starting a habit of regularly dating (each other) --<span style="color: #666666;"><i>every week if you are really lucky and can pull it off</i></span>! It doesn't need to be a <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1279935/" target="_blank">Date Night</a> style all-nighter on a crowded weekend or include an exhausting after-hours clubin’ dance-off. The dates don't all need to be expensive or elaborate or epic. It just needs to be some consciously dedicated adult / couple time; a walk, or a trip to Costco, or even feeding the kids frozen pizza<i><span style="color: #666666;"> <strike>(and maybe a touch of Benadryl*)</strike></span></i> in front of movie while you sneak to a quiet corner of the house with a candle and some take-out <span style="color: #666666;"><i>(filled with adult-friendly bogus vegetables that are floating in a green algae looking sauce)</i></span>. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It is healthy for couples to remember the kind of people they were before being parents, for them to talk/listen without interruption, eat their own food (slowly), have adult fun, and going on dates helps maintain that shared bond only created by experiences and memories together. Honestly, it is really good for the kids to see their parents making each other a priority. Besides, someday, the kids will grow up and move out </span><i style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #666666;">(if you do things right)</span></i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">. This stage with small children feels long but is relatively short in the scope of life, it isn't worth neglecting the long-term relationship that you both chose</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">; ideally, after these refreshers, everyone comes back more patient and relaxed-- ready to be better parents.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As young parental units, we are most often exhausted and crave peace but don’t let marriage dates become too humdrum. Try to plan at least some of these dates to be legendary experiences. It is comfortable, safe, and easy to frequent your favorite place, a local chain, a movie, or stay on the couch with a Red Box, but it can get predictable and frankly, boring; it never hurts to mix things up and add to the story of your lives together:</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><br />
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<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">check <a href="http://simplesanityinsuburbia.blogspot.com/2011/08/yelp.html" target="_blank">yelp</a></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">buy a random <a href="http://www.groupon.com/browse/chicago?z=skip" target="_blank">groupon</a></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">see an off-beat small time play</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">parouse <a href="http://chicago.metromix.com/" target="_blank">metro-mix</a></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">taste-test at a local winery</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">card nights with other couples</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">find live (hopefully free) music <span style="color: #666666;"><i>(the local American Legion can be a funny time)</i></span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">take turns making plans for the date <i><span style="color: #666666;">(we don't do this since I love to plan)</span></i></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">create a dating bucket list when you hear people mention cool ideas</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">go on a bike ride</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">visit a local garden or conservatory <i><span style="color: #999999;">(although, we usually do this with the kids)</span></i></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">a walk or a hike along a scenic path</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">canoe around in the water</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">learn a new skill at a class <i><span style="color: #666666;">(my parents went to Home Depot for their classes all the time on dates-- I laughed as a HS kid but I think it is awesome now)</span></i></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">tour a public building or other non-kid-friendly educational tour</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">keep gathering “firsts” (zip-lining, white water rafting, trapeze, the polar bear swim, etc.)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">re-watch <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1068680/" target="_blank">Yes Man</a> <i><span style="color: #666666;">or honestly, any number of romantic comedies</span></i></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">just head downtown</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> or go to a museum <i><span style="color: #666666;">(some adult friendly museums are free)</span></i></span></li>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Frequently, on the way into our dates, one of us has said,</span><span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: inherit;"><b> "Well, either this will be awesome or an awesome story."</b></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> We keep a top loading display case filed with ticket stubs, self-portraits, wine corks, and memories of our awesome dates <i><span style="color: #666666;">(or awesome stories)</span></i> together<span style="color: #666666;"><i> (no zoo passes or circus tickets or Thomas the Train rides)</i></span>. I love having the visual reminder of our dates-- there will be a picture of the display case in tomorrow's blog.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjusBpTd30WvrXxa-LNjAMqFn3B-2GtsiVtrvtYjBlfiMEaT4RH12VmcqJ6U1qy6m7boBkBIjkUfIM2r78D0J3w6DXMXzgmnbcWXCLpWTbtEZkrE1ewUfVtp-MEtmiNRZmqbnmJaUgl0x4O/s1600/Copy+(2)+of+biking+in+Hawaii.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjusBpTd30WvrXxa-LNjAMqFn3B-2GtsiVtrvtYjBlfiMEaT4RH12VmcqJ6U1qy6m7boBkBIjkUfIM2r78D0J3w6DXMXzgmnbcWXCLpWTbtEZkrE1ewUfVtp-MEtmiNRZmqbnmJaUgl0x4O/s1600/Copy+(2)+of+biking+in+Hawaii.jpg" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-align: justify;">If there aren't any relatives in the area and no money to hire a babysitter, talk with another family or two and start a kid swap </span><span style="color: #666666; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-align: justify;"><i>(you survive some time with all of their monkeys and in exchange, they take all of your darling angels another time)</i></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-align: justify;">. We've been fortunate to have a date at least once a month and to get away together every year of our marriage. It is really challenging to consistently orchestrate, but is well worth the trouble; if you </span><u style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-align: justify;">really</u><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-align: justify;"> can’t pull a date off as often as you like, at least make your bedroom feel like a resort…</span></div>
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<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: inherit;">See you tomorrow at 6am CST, my blog reading friend! Bring coffee. 4 creams. No sugar ;0)</span></div>
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<span style="color: #666666; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><i><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSK6iIE7cOE" target="_blank">DANCE DANCE DANCE - Steve Miller Band</a> / </i></span><i style="color: #666666; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">How can you NOT want to go on a date after listening to that song?!</i><br />
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<span style="color: #666666; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><i>*My mom does not approve of me repeatedly suggesting that drugging one's kids is ever a good idea (who gave her my blog info?!). Apparently my sense of humor does not carry through well into the blogging medium... to clarify, I would <strike>NEVER</strike> premeditate or intentionally give my children Benadryl when my DH and I need a break from their incessant chatter and company.</i></span><br />
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<a href="http://simplesanityinsuburbia.blogspot.com/2013/02/1-all-you-need-is-love.html" style="text-align: center;" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: inherit;"><b>For a regularly updated and concise list of all of the mini blog series on love: refer to the Intro / Love is all You Need</b></span></a></div>
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Simple Sanityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05567547048310310691noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5106666004389287187.post-56552211374791589652013-02-14T06:00:00.000-06:002013-02-19T09:26:18.955-06:00Something in the Way She Moves<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0kZsX0eW2uRdlAWVIS4kOHnm3Fu-piZZ_CnN71VEG9dMpIJ6dyjMF1kb91dSXabPtwWCY7NvkSOlCN7b5tFEtqL53pgjkhdJgWakix8lEObQ4cdzBSA_AhhL1hXaAeha7yMT774TVTiML/s1600/Julies+Wedding2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="230" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0kZsX0eW2uRdlAWVIS4kOHnm3Fu-piZZ_CnN71VEG9dMpIJ6dyjMF1kb91dSXabPtwWCY7NvkSOlCN7b5tFEtqL53pgjkhdJgWakix8lEObQ4cdzBSA_AhhL1hXaAeha7yMT774TVTiML/s320/Julies+Wedding2.jpg" width="320" /></a><br />
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<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: inherit; font-size: x-large; text-align: left;"><b>2 - Getting Your Flirt Back On</b></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Flirting is the gentle art of making someone feel pleased with themselves -- Helen Rowland</span></i><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Getting your flirt back on means that you might need to rewind a bit in your memory, preferably not all the way back to the middle school era </span><i style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #666666;">(stealing pencils, frivolous hair flipping, and hip checking each other into lockers are not terribly effective ways to make someone feel special)</span>,</i><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> but remember how you acted when you wanted nothing more than to impress someone? Your now partner?! You want to show your absolute best side and make them feel special; start with cleaning up and taking care of yourself. This doesn't necessarily mean squeezing into your chic clothes or buying something new, in fact, it isn't really about how <u>you look</u> at all, but more about how you act and feel and make your partner feel. Never-the-less, try to do the best you can with what you have at this stage of life <i><span style="color: #666666;">(for me it is my <b>nice</b> yoga pants)</span></i></span><i><span style="color: #666666;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> </span></span></i></div>
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<li><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Put on some perfume and maybe some lip gloss</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Pour a glass of wine (or water into a wine glass if you don't like wine - GASP!)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Then start to include kind teasing</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Winks or little smiles across the room</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Little physical touches, especially secret or really subtle ones</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Inside jokes, laugh together, have fun, play games</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Opening doors (yes, even when at home)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Try really hard to cater to little needs</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Stand and sit a little closer</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial;">Let your partner see "College Karen" or "B-rad" -- your fun alter-ego</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">If all else fails, basically: pretend to be in a classic movie</span></li>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNEKxqnePCfM4xMrjEw72DrzztjLo2CIigMKIsi605aaa1GCn38immp8-8VjHAcViCqJVHlkuzyMgsUVWAmm-0NXN7AwpBfEDW17VVYERdM8X7QPiVzzt2rZkRx2ATmEa1pdW5h3lY7qmB/s1600/scan0022.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNEKxqnePCfM4xMrjEw72DrzztjLo2CIigMKIsi605aaa1GCn38immp8-8VjHAcViCqJVHlkuzyMgsUVWAmm-0NXN7AwpBfEDW17VVYERdM8X7QPiVzzt2rZkRx2ATmEa1pdW5h3lY7qmB/s400/scan0022.jpg" width="247" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">It might be awkward at first if you are out of practice, but it is great sport <i><span style="color: #666666;">(we just watched <a href="http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/masterpiece/downtonabbey/" target="_blank">Downton Abbey</a> and I’m feeling my inner Britt coming out)</span></i> and WAY more fun than complaining at each other. You are never too old to flirt. In fact it could just be me, but it must get easier as you get older. Some of the old ladies in my life are some of the most fun flirty people that I know; they have mastered the art of making other people feel special. You will get more creative with practice, until it is just the way you always interact with your partner. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Don't let commitment stop you from flirting with each other; i</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">t is free and fun and makes your partner feel loved. Today <span style="color: #ea9999;"><b>(Valentine's Day)</b></span> is a great and natural time to re-start!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Honestly, in this season of life, carrying up the laundry bin constitutes as flirting for me. We have an inside joke <i>(not so inside now) </i>where I will say to my DH, "Do you want to go to Costco with me?" and he will reply, "Oh My! Mrs. V! Are you flirting with me?!" <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Which leads into tomorrow’s topic! See you tomorrow at 6am!!</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><b>Dance Dance Dance</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><a href="http://simplesanityinsuburbia.blogspot.com/2013/02/dance-dance-dance.html" target="_blank">Keep Dating (each other)</a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_fdGk2ICak" target="_blank"><br /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><i><span style="color: #999999; font-size: x-small;"><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_fdGk2ICak" target="_blank">Something in the Way She Moves - James Taylor</a></span></i></span><br />
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<a href="http://simplesanityinsuburbia.blogspot.com/2013/02/1-all-you-need-is-love.html" style="text-align: center;" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: inherit;"><b>For a regularly updated and concise list of all of the mini blog series on love: refer to the Intro / Love is all You Need</b></span></a></div>
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Simple Sanityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05567547048310310691noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5106666004389287187.post-4506917158822266482013-02-13T14:00:00.000-06:002013-02-19T09:44:23.138-06:00I'm in the Mood for Love<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDQhHk0X_sn1-mchZzUpEGgDgrHt7p-wQ1iRgLOtcOQGikqrBR0sbBrDDYn_ehfccfd1_nckP97MaZCV2Lu0gTCXMq-umwxqQhykfN132xwB_N1qyPEsklTCR8fIRk9ryfW9oAV-03bujV/s1600/IMG_9547.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDQhHk0X_sn1-mchZzUpEGgDgrHt7p-wQ1iRgLOtcOQGikqrBR0sbBrDDYn_ehfccfd1_nckP97MaZCV2Lu0gTCXMq-umwxqQhykfN132xwB_N1qyPEsklTCR8fIRk9ryfW9oAV-03bujV/s320/IMG_9547.JPG" width="213" /></a><br />
<b><span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: inherit; font-size: x-large;">1 - Setting the Atmosphere</span></b><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">I'm not saying the house needs to be all Barry White, red silk, and candles to have a happy marriage but it is a rough start when the house is bursting with chaos </span><i><span style="color: #999999; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">(and not the fun kind)</span></i><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> on a regular basis. I remember when our son was first born and he was awful and I was a mess. I would be sobbing and asking my husband why he would want to come home from work to this. There are days when there is no choice but utter chaos, especially as a parent but if you find that is the norm, it is probably time to reassess and make some changes. It doesn't need to be perfect, and it might take a little time and a little effort, but try adding qualities that make walking into your home a relief from the world:</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">It can be just a little effort, like turn on some music; try all different genres and playlists; maybe even one labeled "Love Songs" that remind you of times and places and concerts and feelings when you've been to together. </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Mostly, it is an <b>attitude</b>, like when your spouse walks in, try to actually stand up, greet, and kiss on lips. Every day. In front of the kids. </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Make a real attempt to hold back the barrage of awful issues that need attention at least until everyone has time to happily greet each other.</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Avoid saying “Wait until your mother/father gets home!” as if it is a threat; it really puts a damper on the mood of love if there is impending doom. </span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Personally, a glass of red wine, a little perfume, and some lip gloss always remind me to be in the mood for love...</span></li>
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<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: inherit;">Which leads nicely into the theme for tomorrow...</span><span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: inherit; text-align: left;"> See you at 6:30am...</span></div>
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<b><span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://simplesanityinsuburbia.blogspot.com/2013/02/something-in-way-she-moves.html" target="_blank">Something in the Way She Moves:</a></span></b></div>
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<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: inherit;">Getting Your Flirt Back On</span><br />
<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><b style="text-align: left;"><span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gg7OUG9V_cw" target="_blank">I'm in the Mood for Love</a><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></b><span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">(if you been reading since the beginning, this isn't a new post , I just </span>separated<span style="font-family: inherit;"> it from </span>the<span style="font-family: inherit;"> intro to keep things organized )</span></span><br />
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<a href="http://simplesanityinsuburbia.blogspot.com/2013/02/1-all-you-need-is-love.html" style="text-align: center;" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: inherit;"><b>For a regularly updated and concise list of all of the mini blog series on love: refer to the Intro / Love is all You Need</b></span></a></div>
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Simple Sanityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05567547048310310691noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5106666004389287187.post-68061810575370547202013-02-13T11:04:00.000-06:002013-03-24T09:26:43.950-05:00Intro: All You Need is Love<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHZhtMd02uj1usYGiot_b4ZE8OQcs7eTINCa_EFs3Fu8ImDsCiMfzU5LmhKb0hE0xXhjKc8fDcS-fklgGChYwBCVxkl554TfEBJu273E4YfdcCNWSUL_SgB2Jd_T1K1bpyC_Hn2onAsVB8/s1600/IMG_0398.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="191" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHZhtMd02uj1usYGiot_b4ZE8OQcs7eTINCa_EFs3Fu8ImDsCiMfzU5LmhKb0hE0xXhjKc8fDcS-fklgGChYwBCVxkl554TfEBJu273E4YfdcCNWSUL_SgB2Jd_T1K1bpyC_Hn2onAsVB8/s400/IMG_0398.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><b><a href="https://play.google.com/store/music/album?id=Bj4mquowsjswc2j33cqdmmrrlnq&tid=song-Tgdzwib34d46bji66jbh2avzafe&feature=search_result#?t=W251bGwsMSwxLDEsInNvbmctVGdkendpYjM0ZDQ2YmppNjZqYmgyYXZ6YWZlIl0." target="_blank">ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE</a> / INTRODUCTION</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">We are very much in
love. If I really analyze it, we probably appear to be that
annoying, sappy, and nearly pathetic couple that one can't help but roll their
eyes back at and say, "Seriously?! Is that for real?!" But
the more you get to know us, for better or for worse, it
is evident that this is for real </span><i><span style="color: #999999; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">(or an insanely dedicated scam).</span></i><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">I have a hobby of
observing happy couples. I just can't help it. I've watched young and old; new love and mature
love; the casually happy and safely comfortable. I've observed
couples balance each other out perfectly and become each other’s ying and yang. The mac to their cheese. The sunshine of their life. The Simon to their Garfunkle <i><span style="color: #666666;">(kind of a many layered example since they had success together and then Paul Simon went on his own and had his best work with only pulling Garfunkle in for reunion tours)</span></i>. I've
seen people become the best version of themselves when supported by a devoted
relationship and I've sadly witnessed the inverse when a relationship is more destructive, codependent, and enabling than empowering. We've been married 15 years and although I can't claim
that every year has been magically blissful, they tend to be trending better
and better toward happily ever after... but it isn't by chance or luck or just love.</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">This year falls at kind
of a fortunate time with Lent and Valentine's Day Eve on the same day </span><i><span style="color: #999999; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">(unless you are giving up chocolate for Lent,
then it is a bit complicated)</span></i><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">.
It is a naturally perfect time to dedicate the next 40 days </span><i><span style="color: #999999; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">(or at least the long weekend)</span></i><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> to Love - but more specifically, marriage.
It is cold and dark and hence an ideal time to rekindle what might be starting
to suffer. </span><span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Obviously, every
relationship is different and has different nuances that make it tick but these
are habits that I've observed along the road of being mostly happily married-- because although the Beatles have a catchy tune and Love is super important, it is
probably not quite all you need.</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">I'm going to try my first mini-series and share a
habit / mini blog / blog Jr. / blog-ette / every day from Valentine's Day Eve until the end
of February -- or I run out of love ideas or I get bored with it or my DH and I get in a huge fight or my real life
needs to take priority. </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">These aren't necessarily new or revolutionary or earth shattering, but hopefully not too terribly cliche and just gentle reminders.</span><span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> I want to spread the Love! Maybe it will be contagious! An epidemic of happy couples would be awesome.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: inherit; font-size: x-large;"><i><b>Below is the Mini Love Series so Far (in order):</b></i></span></div>
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<li><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://simplesanityinsuburbia.blogspot.com/2013/02/im-in-mood-for-love.html" target="_blank">I'm in the Mood for Love / Setting the Atmosphere</a> </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://simplesanityinsuburbia.blogspot.com/2013/02/something-in-way-she-moves.html" target="_blank">Something in the Way She Moves / Getting Your Flirt Back On</a> </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://simplesanityinsuburbia.blogspot.com/2013/02/dance-dance-dance.html" target="_blank">Dance Dance Dance / Keep Dating (each other)</a> </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://simplesanityinsuburbia.blogspot.com/2013/02/magic-carpet-ride.html" target="_blank">Magic Carpet Ride / Clean Your Room!</a> </span></li>
<li><a href="http://simplesanityinsuburbia.blogspot.com/2013/02/sugar-magnolia.html" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: large;">Sugar Magnolia / Be Grateful</span></a></li>
<li><a href="http://simplesanityinsuburbia.blogspot.com/2013/02/so-what.html" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: large;">So What?! / Healthy Communication</span></a></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://simplesanityinsuburbia.blogspot.com/2013/02/message-in-bottle.html" target="_blank">Message in a Bottle / Notes & Texting</a></span></li>
<li><span style="color: #666666; font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.simplesanityinsuburbia.blogspot.com/2013/02/lets-spend-night-together.html#more">Let's Spend the Night Together / Physical Intimacy</a></span></li>
<li><span style="color: #666666; font-size: large;"><a href="http://simplesanityinsuburbia.blogspot.com/2013/02/better-together.html">Better Together / Emotional Intimacy & Individuality</a></span></li>
<li><a href="http://simplesanityinsuburbia.blogspot.com/2013/03/going-to-chapel.html" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: large;">Going to the Chapel / Regularly Recommitting to Marriage</span></a></li>
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More links will be added to this intro page as the blogs post. Remember that this isn't a check list! Not everything works for every couple. These are just ideas that I've either experienced or watched other happy couples exhibit. Don't be over-whelmed or discouraged... I just want you to enjoy life and your marriage... in whatever stage you are in.<br />
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If you want to read our old <a href="http://simplesanityinsuburbia.blogspot.com/2012/02/once-in-lifetime.html" target="_blank">Once in a Life-time Love Story</a></div>
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Simple Sanityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05567547048310310691noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5106666004389287187.post-12342820124325773282013-02-07T12:15:00.000-06:002013-08-12T07:44:53.365-05:00Coat Cove<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJkIxpf8xEAo8QMmt2xjNtLXVICZzxR-sr48Juwipu_EmMqzULI2hDBMYrHhgcawq9w38BBLptcZld6PJo2-ThRRPVC8MhsfkJgpijCNxm9Sz3Aw3tROYHChkqAggE3CR_6vL00WvWxFl7/s1600/IMG_2128.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJkIxpf8xEAo8QMmt2xjNtLXVICZzxR-sr48Juwipu_EmMqzULI2hDBMYrHhgcawq9w38BBLptcZld6PJo2-ThRRPVC8MhsfkJgpijCNxm9Sz3Aw3tROYHChkqAggE3CR_6vL00WvWxFl7/s320/IMG_2128.JPG" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigcpDQgb1Zo6yOAzQxsJs6pDtTkQ9XC5hc-ASTo1UH8W1f0NJKxcGRCAs44gDycMb1o1PvblhOCNan22ZSIAYzxtJBTxumn9K8h4J4fA_Se9iex8lggTTK28wkFc53PAhtu34QDjWX7qw1/s1600/IMG_7226.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I tend to over-plan house projects <span style="color: #666666; font-style: italic;">(I know, shocking), </span><span style="color: #444444;">but my ventures generally go smoothly and th</span>e organization stage is half of the "fun" <i><span style="color: #666666;">(especially in the winter, when I'm feeling trapped in here with no trips to the ocean in the oracle)</span></i>; normal course of action is to find everything I can on <a href="http://pinterest.com/kellyvalli/for-the-home/" target="_blank">pinterest for vision</a>, then create a <a href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheet/ccc?key=0Atl3V16MGX9bdGh6MVF5WFU5dXBvSnZ2dTRXNU5aVUE&usp=sharing" target="_blank">spreadsheet detailing time and cost estimates</a> for each step, including sister projects that should be incorporated because the tools are already out and later phases for when we have more money or find a good deal. The spreadsheet evolves as we go, but I am generally just slightly under budget on both and in the end proclaim, "Wow, that turned out as good as I could have hoped! We should have done it 5 years ago!" </span></div>
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<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><b>During this current project, no such proclamation was made. </b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Shortly after the Christmas festivities, I was a little feisty and realized that nobody uses our front coat closet but my sister. Our home has five feet of prime location with nearly nothing in it but wooden hangers and a small table for purses, hats, gloves, items to return, etc., which sits empty, even when there are 30 people in the house. Throngs of kids visit our home after school leaving a barricade of backpacks, coats, and boots in front of the door, but never in the designated coat closet.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I talked to a couple of close friends and family who said that they would NEVER open someone's closet, even ours, after I've said that they should. So basically, I would need to greet people at the door and hang their coats myself if I wanted them in the closet. Although that may be proper etiquette and polite, our house is kind of transient and that is sort of unrealistic, unless things change and I can hire a <a href="http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/masterpiece/downtonabbey/" target="_blank">Downton Abbey</a> style footman. I'll tell you this much, it won't be Thomas. He gives me the creeps and he has a lot of issues.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My DH does not strike one as particularly pro-active upon first introduction; he is kind of laid back and comfortable but one of his strengths, is that if I say, "Hmmm... I wonder what it would look like if we took the doors off this closet?" Before I finish making dinner, he has the doors off and has piled them in the corner of the garage. And in this case, I discovered that I really like the closet with no doors (above left). The next couple of weekends we proceeded to slowly remove everything from the area, take down the rod, the shelves, and fix the crumbling / cracking plaster walls.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">At this point, everything was pretty much as planned. I had a vision to reuse some molding from another project and all of the left over 1" tile from the fireplace and bathroom, as well as some tile that was sitting on my desk at work for 3 years. <i><span style="color: #666666;">Yes. The order slip said 2009.</span></i> I figured we just needed to buy some paint, oak to match the existing molding to build a bench, hooks for the coats, and adhesive / grout to affix the tile to the wall, and maybe a cheap new pull-string light. This project should cost about $60 but make a huge difference on the usable space in our home.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I won't bore you with more than a paragraph of details, but paint is really expensive and I couldn't find an acceptable can in the "mixed wrong section". The oak was WAY more than I thought it would be; it turned out to be nearly cheaper to buy a pre-built bench at Home Depot for $70. The molding I was going to reuse was too grooved for the hooks. Hooks were $4 each (x10), even at Walmart. Adhesive was $10 and grout was $22. An acceptable light fixture was $40, rather than $10. My cheap project turned out to be $255, and I still haven't bought the shelves or decorations.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbvUB3CcTUsZuvn8hrQq0g63oF49wluu1ngKWoU7zw1xDEy2nnY8h_1JZtN5XnlBVjVq5paW-tZ-rYpC2h3QLcGEjKIJ5IOCKzydC__5I3mg9H-sFMuKOxisb5XZwyCYscgaJjPnKhAt-1/s1600/IMG_2130.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbvUB3CcTUsZuvn8hrQq0g63oF49wluu1ngKWoU7zw1xDEy2nnY8h_1JZtN5XnlBVjVq5paW-tZ-rYpC2h3QLcGEjKIJ5IOCKzydC__5I3mg9H-sFMuKOxisb5XZwyCYscgaJjPnKhAt-1/s320/IMG_2130.JPG" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The time estimates were also off. The walls were in much worse shape than I thought. I sanded and patched them for 5 days. As soon as a coat would dry, I would sand it off <span style="color: #666666; font-style: italic;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000VXBYPQ/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B000VXBYPQ&linkCode=as2&tag=feigmiddclas-20%22%3EMARSHALLTOWN%20The%20Premier%20Line%20VS792%20Vacuum%20Sander%20with%20Hose%3C/a%3E%3Cimg%20src=%22http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=feigmiddclas-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B000VXBYPQ%22%20width=%221%22%20height=%221%22%20border=%220%22%20alt=%22%22%20style=%22border:none%20!important;%20margin:0px%20!important;%22%20/%3E" target="_blank">(as a side note, if ever sanding plaster or drywall, it is best to own a hand sander that hooks to the shop vac. It saves A LOT of dust)</a> </span>and then put on another. When it came time to paint, I decided it would look nice to paint the upstairs hall the same color as the closet for continuity. The painted area had 7 doorways to cut around. Because of an earthquake a couple of years back, those walls needed a ton of patching as well. I am a very fast and even free-hand painter but two coats took me 7 hours. Ridiculous. I budgeted about 2 hours.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The border, tile, hooks, and light went up quickly, <span style="color: #666666;"><i>although I wish that I had more tile to do the side walls also, but that is what happens when you use left-overs.</i></span> All in all the project looks really nice. We've had it completed for about a week and everyone uses it! Visiting backpacks are stowed on the bench, coats are hung out of the way rather than strewn across couches. There is even a lost and found basket! The light is subtle. The open area <i><span style="color: #666666;">(and no boots covering the entrance)</span></i> make the front hall seem much bigger. I really love it. </span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I think the coat cove looks fine from a distance,<br />
and we still have the doors in the garage if<br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But being over budget on both time and money was not the worst part of the project: I think I poisoned myself <i><span style="color: #666666;">(yes, I'm being melodramatic wimp)</span></i>. I researched on <a href="http://www.consumerreports.org/cro/home-garden/home-improvement/paints/interior-paint-ratings/ratings-overview.htm" target="_blank">Consumer Reports</a> first and bought the best value paint on the market <i><span style="color: #666666;">(currently the Ace Clark & Kensington Satin)</span></i>. It has a lower VOC than allowed but more than the Behr paint that I usually used. I painted on a day that was literally 9 degrees outside. I didn't ventilate and the house really didn't smell that bad. Even people who came over the next day couldn't believe that I had painted just the day before. That said, the night I painted I had a terrible headache and felt genuinely awful but blamed it on the weather. Saturday I was in a weird daze, felt nauseous, and irritable all day. I thought maybe I was coming down with something but everyday felt the same. It wasn't really getting worse, but it certainly wasn't better. I've had a hard time breathing and sleeping. It feels like something is stuck in my lungs and head. And then I remembered the paint. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As a note to self, probably cross "huffing paint" off your bucket list of possible ways to get a buzz and even with low VOC, probably not a good idea to paint in the dead of winter when there is no chance to open windows while working. I have felt like death for 7 days, even though the house smells fine. When researching what to do for paint fume poisoning on the internet... it basically says, "Open a window you crazy <a href="http://adventuretime.wikia.com/wiki/Clarence" target="_blank">donkus</a>."</span></div>
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Simple Sanityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05567547048310310691noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5106666004389287187.post-60775656260353197142013-01-29T10:02:00.000-06:002013-02-05T10:39:59.142-06:00Right Round<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://ryanniven.com/" target="_blank">http://ryanniven.com/</a><br />
or<br />
<a href="http://www.facebook.com/RyanNivenPhotography" target="_blank">http://www.facebook.com/RyanNivenPhotography</a></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We all knew this day was coming, but for the past couple of weeks, I've had to move my dreaded <a href="http://simplesanityinsuburbia.blogspot.com/2012/10/the-arch-nemesis-rises.html">cardio work-outs indoors</a>. For awhile, it was the holidays and I just didn't have <i><span style="color: #666666;">(make)</span></i> time, then I tried to use the machines. I was so very very bored. I made jammin' playlists and I tried reading the latest greatest funniest book and still, after 25 minutes it felt like 3 hours. I couldn't make myself break a sweat. It was a struggle to keep my heart rate at 140.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I wanted to go back to yoga but my favorite guru isn't there; she has taught me well so I can do most of my yoga at home, and what I NEED is cardio. I've taken Zumba and cardio kick-boxing. Unfortunately, I have terrible rhythm and even worse fluidity to my "dance moves". I expel more effort trying to figure out how to keep up with the instructor and not bump into the beautifully coordinated people next to me than working out. I left tired, but mostly emotionally and mentally. My DH told me I should give the spin cycle class a try. He did them for about 2 years, twice a week, about a decade ago and was in great shape. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Just walking past made me nervous. These people are NUTS. There is a huge glass wall. The class is normally at capacity with not an empty seat in the room. The bikes are tiny and streamlined with these rock hard even tinier little seats and there are red-faced people nearly elbow to elbow. The music is loud, the playlist sounds like my 6th grader made it, and everyone is <b><u>literally</u></b> dripping sweat on the ground. I was pretty sure it was a voluntary entrance to Hades.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">After a couple more pathetic attempts at cardio on my own, I walked into the class very early to get a far corner spot. I don't want to get too ahead of myself, but I've taken it 7 times now and I think I love it. There are all sorts of reasons why it works for me-- <i><span style="color: #666666;">and not just as confirmation or validation that I am truly nuts.</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">One is that it takes absolutely no skill. I don't need to focus, I just need to pedal. Nobody can see how hard I am actually working. I could have my bike on 7 while they all have it on 17 and nobody really cares. It is helpful to have rhythm but not essential There are some hard-core people up-front who are able to stay on the bike and pedal to the rhythm of whatever <i>Flo Rida</i> song is pumping but there are maybe 3 of those in the whole class. The time goes by quickly. The first 15 minutes, when it is cold, seem to take forever and I'm quite sure I can't make it, but then I get into the groove and it all goes fine. The music selection is actually better than I thought. Most instructors use pop but intersperse U2 <span style="color: #666666;"><i>(thankfully not Vertigo--wouldn't that be kind of funny?)</i></span>, some old CCR, and even the Doobie Brothers. It is a pretty solid mix. I did have one instructor call Adele a "hill-climbing song" and proceeded to hum into his mic while we were "climbing". I will not be returning to his particular class.</span></div>
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<b><u><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Extra Spin Cycle Class Advice:</span></u></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u>HR Monitor:</u></b> Spin cycles really get your heart rate up. If you are like me and have heart disease, you MUST get a heart rate monitor. The first class I took, I couldn't believe how easy it was to get into my cardio zone. Admittedly, usually I am not working at my max. I can just sort of feel when my heart rate goes up. When I am biking, I just keep it in a harder gear so that I am always working and hope that is enough. In my first class, I started to get a little dizzy so I counted my pulse and I was at 175. That should not really happen. After that, I wore my HR monitor and realized that whenever he says, "out of the saddle" and I stand up to pedal, I get to 165 and maintain in no time. If I'm not careful, I can get to 175 without even thinking about it. <i><span style="color: #666666;">Unfortunately, my trusty old polar has a strong signal and since these bikes are so close in proximity, the 4 people around me also fear they are about to have a heart attack. On a positive note, since my HR has become "public knowledge", it does give me even more incentive to keep it consistent and then not slack off.</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u>Seat Positioning:</u></b> It takes a class or two to figure out the perfect positioning. My first class, I was miserably off. The instructor will help if you get there early but there is still personal preference. The seat is generally about hip high. Some people like near level handle bars, others like raised "comfort style" handle bars, and the seat moves forward also. In the end, I asked this girl who was awesome and about my height what she set hers at; it has been perfect ever since. The seat has zero cushion. Some people bring a little squishy seat cover; others wear bike shorts. Personally, I am fine. I'm not sure why <span style="color: #666666;"><i>(maybe I have buns of steel)</i></span> but the seat doesn't bother me. I kind of wish it did because I think those bike shorts with a short skirt are cute and I'd love an excuse to need them.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u>Walking Out:</u></b> You will not be the first person or the last person who has left a spin class. That first class I ever took was the worst. Honestly, 10 people walked out. I later learned that many people just like those bikes and use them for a warm up for their regular workout. The class is just kind of fluid. That said, try to stick with it. If you feel like you are dying, just take it down a notch. It isn't impossible. The first class is by far the hardest. If you make it through the first class, you can make it through again.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u>Getting "Out of the Saddle":</u></b> My first time, I couldn't figure out how to stand up without hitting my tush every time I pedaled. The second time, after adjusting my seat, it was better but it killed my quads. By the forth class, I looked forward to getting out of the saddle. There is no pressure to get out of the saddle. Not everyone does. Some people can't because of knee or ankle issues, others just don't like it. Just do what you can. Nobody in the class, including the instructor, really cares what you are doing.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u>The Trip Counter:</u></b> So I was really proud of myself and walked around telling everyone that I rode 20 miles in an hour, basically into Lake Michigan from my house, because that is what the trip meter read. I'd like to publicly confess: that is not entirely true. The trip meter calculates 1 trip as every 200 revolutions of the pedals; that means that it could be 20 miles or 20 kilometers or anything in between. it doesn't take into account the "gear". In this case, going further is not always better. The harder you are working on the pedals, the fewer revolutions you will have, so a 60 minute work-out, going 16 on the trip counter is actually often better than a 60 minute at 20 on the trip counter. <i><span style="color: #666666;">I'm sure that made no sense.</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u>Sweating:</u></b> I am not a huge fan of sweating but in this class, it just happens and it actually feels kind of good. You will not be the only person to accidentally sweat through the saddle of your shorts but either way, I would consider some extra deodorant for the comfort of those around you and some "wicking" fabric so there isn't that chaffing "I just wet my pants" look/feel. I also prefer to have the tops of my legs covered. I realized quickly that I find it really gross when my shorts ride up and my skin touches the seat. I only wore regular shorts once before realizing that I would rather be hot. Bermudas or capris or longer bike shorts are the most comfortable. On a side note, bring lots of water. You will need it.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u>Shoes:</u></b> People sometimes wear bike shoes but they aren't necessary. I just wear my normal Merrell barefoot shoes and it is fine.</span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNPAcNK4_odoaHXxVX0uO725gGBS_WFNLWLYSruRy3Roe7qxeMT6FVA3uGtKXeVdlwDz8z0URc_MtwZtzXsD2McgwinemzlK0BxTwFPhwh-EYSQ3DetSs9aeaVeeXCp7l2YC07C_mUV3-Y/s1600/Trek+w+wicker+basket.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNPAcNK4_odoaHXxVX0uO725gGBS_WFNLWLYSruRy3Roe7qxeMT6FVA3uGtKXeVdlwDz8z0URc_MtwZtzXsD2McgwinemzlK0BxTwFPhwh-EYSQ3DetSs9aeaVeeXCp7l2YC07C_mUV3-Y/s400/Trek+w+wicker+basket.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My Trek is sporting a sweet new wicker bike basket from Christmas<br />
- made the 60 degree joyride in January even better</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u>The Clientele:</u></b> Okay, so in this case, first impressions are sometimes right on. In my experience, the people in spin classes are a little nuts. For whatever reason, this doesn't have the camaraderie of other classes. The instructor does not introduce himself. Nobody really talks to anyone else. It is sort of an individual sport that we all happen to be doing within arms reach of each other. In some ways, that is a relief. The instructors are also the kind of people who bike the Rockies with their vacation time. They always act as if this is off season training for "the real thing" when the weather breaks... and somehow I don't think we are on the same page with what the "real thing" is. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In conclusion, I wish that all of us weren't just wasting energy while spinning like hamsters on those bikes; we should at least be producing electricity but I do leave feeling strong and healthy. My blood really gets pumping and it is actually kind of fun-- maybe even addictive. A</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> great way to get real cardio in the winter-- but not today! Because it is 60 degrees! in Chicago! in January! and everyone should be outside embracing the weather break.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">PS - and now some unsolicited </span>peddling (that was an admittedly terrible pun, yet I don't remove it): <span style="font-family: inherit;">My cousin Ryan Niven (top pic) is a REALLY talented photographer, not a self-taught hack like me ;0) -- check out his website or FB Page... </span><br />
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<a href="http://ryanniven.com/" target="_blank">http://ryanniven.com/</a> or <a href="http://www.facebook.com/RyanNivenPhotography" target="_blank">http://www.facebook.com/RyanNivenPhotography</a></div>
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Simple Sanityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05567547048310310691noreply@blogger.com0