Right Round

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We all knew this day was coming, but for the past couple of weeks, I've had to move my dreaded cardio work-outs indoors.  For awhile, it was the holidays and I just didn't have (make) time, then I tried to use the machines.  I was so very very bored.  I made jammin' playlists and I tried reading the latest greatest funniest book and still, after 25 minutes it felt like 3 hours.  I couldn't make myself break a sweat.  It was a struggle to keep my heart rate at 140.

I wanted to go back to yoga but my favorite guru isn't there; she has taught me well so I can do most of my yoga at home, and what I NEED is cardio.  I've taken Zumba and cardio kick-boxing.  Unfortunately, I have terrible rhythm and even worse fluidity to my "dance moves".  I expel more effort trying to figure out how to keep up with the instructor and not bump into the beautifully coordinated people next to me than working out.  I left tired, but mostly emotionally and mentally.  My DH told me I should give the spin cycle class a try.  He did them for about 2 years, twice a week, about a decade ago and was in great shape. 

Just walking past made me nervous.  These people are NUTS.  There is a huge glass wall.  The class is normally at capacity with not an empty seat in the room.  The bikes are tiny and streamlined with these rock hard even tinier little seats and there are red-faced people nearly elbow to elbow.  The music is loud, the playlist sounds like my 6th grader made it, and everyone is literally dripping sweat on the ground.  I was pretty sure it was a voluntary entrance to Hades.

Watermark

These past weeks were insanely busy, dark, cold, and honestly, my sanity has wavered.  My 9 year old daughter helped by cleaning, making cake pops, party prep, and was just my personal little minion.  She is by nature a conversationalist (more aptly does not stop chatting) and while working asked, "Mom, what is your least favorite feeling?"  I said I wasn't sure because I don't like to be sad or angry, but then I realized, that without a doubt it is stress that I hate the most. I'm sure it is mostly subconscious, but some people live to avoid conflict or intimacy or commitment or change or confrontation or work or pain or being out of control or disliked or any number of things. I fully realized that I spend all of my effort and energy to avoid being stressed.  I will work hard or live without or confront issues head on or deal with any amount of pain and avoid drama, just so that I won't feel stressed. 

She said that she doesn't like the feeling of waking up ;0).

Thankfully, not much stresses me out at this stage of my life.  Not moving or planning epic voyages or having large parties at my house (I'll admit that this last weekend's party was a lovely success but did push the limits of my sanity).  I hate money stress so we have a tight budget.  I don't like driving at night so I get rides.  I don't like deadlines so I try being proactive.  I get a little nervous talking in front of groups but if I prepare well, I'm not stressed.  I live in a constant state of preparedness so that I have very little opportunity to be stressed...   For my own wedding, if some element started to stress me out, I would just not do it or adjust it until it became non-stressful.  That mind-set has carried through the rest of my life.  Truly stressful things get dropped or adapted until manageable...

and then we did something crazy that can't be managed or adapted...