It is all so exciting and nerve wracking and monumental! For whatever reason, this year feels like such a big one for our family and the kids and me. My kids are at this middle-school stage where learning to foster independence is as natural as it is important and necessary. If I ever want them to grow up to be released into the great wild someday, I really need to make sure that I am not accidentally over-nurturing them. It is time to shift my focus away from just them to what the heck I am going to do. It is scary and fun and exciting.
Summer is over. We had this fantastic southwest camping adventure (we road-tripped for a month out of a Prius, but that is a story for another day). I feel like a fog has lifted and I am ready to move forward; for the first time in awhile, it isn't panic inducing or filled with dread, it is exciting. I turn 40. It was right around 40 that my very young parents moved away from the place that they were born and raised. My sister and I were both old enough to be on our own. They sold the house, simplified their lives, drove 2117.5 miles, bought a new place with an extra room that we always knew could be ours, and started over.
I get it now. At the time I thought it was odd. I wasn't upset or tearful, I just thought it was all so strange. I'm not planning a grand escape or anything, but I get the thrill of a new adventure. I understand more now than ever about how mundane the life we created can become and about how exciting it is to fulfill an unrequited dream.
When the kiddos were little, we went along and didn't need to spend much time contemplating the big picture. We were checking general requirements off the list but it didn't take a ton of over-thinking. The goal was out there, the path was predictable, we just kind of needed to keep the basic course, and we would get there, albeit eventually.
This year feels like it is all getting a lot closer. School has begun and I have all this quiet to think and contemplate and play-out dreams. I've loved the road we've been on. I've enjoyed the high times and proud to have blazed the challenges but I need to make some decisions about what is the next direction that I want life to take. How best is my extra time and freedom used and needed for me and for our family? I don't want to become stagnant. I want to make some waves. Not like hurricane style waves. More like the fun kind that make your heart jump and your feet fly.