I'm in the Mood for Love

1 - Setting the Atmosphere

I'm not saying the house needs to be all Barry White, red silk, and candles to have a happy marriage but it is a rough start when the house is bursting with chaos (and not the fun kind) on a regular basis.  I remember when our son was first born and he was awful and I was a mess.  I would be sobbing and asking my husband why he would want to come home from work to this.  There are days when there is no choice but utter chaos, especially as a parent but if you find that is the norm, it is probably time to reassess and make some changes.  It doesn't need to be perfect, and it might take a little time and a little effort, but try adding qualities that make walking into your home a relief from the world:

• It can be an expensive project like a relaxing fireplace or an outdoor patio.  Think of your most soothing and romantic place on earth, and try to replicate what you can, even if it is just an enlarged print of it :0)
• It can be just a little effort, like turn on some music; try all different genres and playlists; maybe even one labeled "Love Songs" that remind you of times and places and concerts and feelings when you've been to together.  
• Mostly, it is an attitude, like when your spouse walks in, try to actually stand up, greet, and kiss on lips.  Every day.  In front of the kids.   
• Make a real attempt to hold back the barrage of awful issues that need attention at least until everyone has time to happily greet each other.
• Avoid saying “Wait until your mother/father gets home!” as if it is a threat; it really puts a damper on the mood of love if there is impending doom. 
• Personally, a glass of red wine, a little perfume, and some lip gloss always remind me to be in the mood for love...

Which leads nicely into the theme for tomorrow... See you at 6:30am...

Something in the Way She Moves:

Getting Your Flirt Back On

I'm in the Mood for Love (if you been reading since the beginning, this isn't a new post , I just separated it from the intro to keep things organized )

For a regularly updated and concise list of all of the mini blog series on love:  refer to the Intro / Love is all You Need

Intro: All You Need is Love

ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE / INTRODUCTION

We are very much in love.  If I really analyze it, we probably appear to be that annoying, sappy, and nearly pathetic couple that one can't help but roll their eyes back at and say, "Seriously?!  Is that for real?!"  But the more you get to know us, for better or for worse, it is evident that this is for real (or an insanely dedicated scam).

I have a hobby of observing happy couples.  I just can't help it.  I've watched young and old; new love and mature love; the casually happy and safely comfortable.   I've observed couples balance each other out perfectly and become each other’s ying and yang.  The mac to their cheese.  The sunshine of their life.  The Simon to their Garfunkle (kind of a many layered example since they had success together and then Paul Simon went on his own and had his best work with only pulling Garfunkle in for reunion tours).  I've seen people become the best version of themselves when supported by a devoted relationship and I've sadly witnessed the inverse when a relationship is more destructive, codependent, and enabling than empowering. We've been married 15 years and although I can't claim that every year has been magically blissful, they tend to be trending better and better toward happily ever after... but it isn't by chance or luck or just love.

This year falls at kind of a fortunate time with Lent and Valentine's Day Eve on the same day (unless you are giving up chocolate for Lent, then it is a bit complicated).  It is a naturally perfect time to dedicate the next 40 days (or at least the long weekend) to Love - but more specifically, marriage. It is cold and dark and hence an ideal time to rekindle what might be starting to suffer.  Obviously, every relationship is different and has different nuances that make it tick but these are habits that I've observed along the road of being mostly happily married-- because although the Beatles have a catchy tune and Love is super important, it is probably not quite all you need.

I'm going to try my first mini-series and share a habit / mini blog / blog Jr. / blog-ette / every day from Valentine's Day Eve until the end of February -- or I run out of love ideas or I get bored with it or my DH and I get in a huge fight or my real life needs to take priority.  These aren't necessarily new or revolutionary or earth shattering, but hopefully not too terribly cliche and just gentle reminders.  I want to spread the Love!  Maybe it will be contagious!  An epidemic of happy couples would be awesome.

Below is the Mini Love Series so Far (in order):

Coat Cove

I tend to over-plan house projects (I know, shocking), but my ventures generally go smoothly and the organization stage is half of the "fun" (especially in the winter, when I'm feeling trapped in here with no trips to the ocean in the oracle); normal course of action is to find everything I can on pinterest for vision, then create a spreadsheet detailing time and cost estimates for each step, including sister projects that should be incorporated because the tools are already out and later phases for when we have more money or find a good deal.  The spreadsheet evolves as we go, but I am generally just slightly under budget on both and in the end proclaim, "Wow, that turned out as good as I could have hoped!  We should have done it 5 years ago!"  

During this current project, no such proclamation was made.  

Right Round

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We all knew this day was coming, but for the past couple of weeks, I've had to move my dreaded cardio work-outs indoors.  For awhile, it was the holidays and I just didn't have (make) time, then I tried to use the machines.  I was so very very bored.  I made jammin' playlists and I tried reading the latest greatest funniest book and still, after 25 minutes it felt like 3 hours.  I couldn't make myself break a sweat.  It was a struggle to keep my heart rate at 140.

I wanted to go back to yoga but my favorite guru isn't there; she has taught me well so I can do most of my yoga at home, and what I NEED is cardio.  I've taken Zumba and cardio kick-boxing.  Unfortunately, I have terrible rhythm and even worse fluidity to my "dance moves".  I expel more effort trying to figure out how to keep up with the instructor and not bump into the beautifully coordinated people next to me than working out.  I left tired, but mostly emotionally and mentally.  My DH told me I should give the spin cycle class a try.  He did them for about 2 years, twice a week, about a decade ago and was in great shape. 

Just walking past made me nervous.  These people are NUTS.  There is a huge glass wall.  The class is normally at capacity with not an empty seat in the room.  The bikes are tiny and streamlined with these rock hard even tinier little seats and there are red-faced people nearly elbow to elbow.  The music is loud, the playlist sounds like my 6th grader made it, and everyone is literally dripping sweat on the ground.  I was pretty sure it was a voluntary entrance to Hades.

Watermark

These past weeks were insanely busy, dark, cold, and honestly, my sanity has wavered.  My 9 year old daughter helped by cleaning, making cake pops, party prep, and was just my personal little minion.  She is by nature a conversationalist (more aptly does not stop chatting) and while working asked, "Mom, what is your least favorite feeling?"  I said I wasn't sure because I don't like to be sad or angry, but then I realized, that without a doubt it is stress that I hate the most. I'm sure it is mostly subconscious, but some people live to avoid conflict or intimacy or commitment or change or confrontation or work or pain or being out of control or disliked or any number of things. I fully realized that I spend all of my effort and energy to avoid being stressed.  I will work hard or live without or confront issues head on or deal with any amount of pain and avoid drama, just so that I won't feel stressed. 

She said that she doesn't like the feeling of waking up ;0).

Thankfully, not much stresses me out at this stage of my life.  Not moving or planning epic voyages or having large parties at my house (I'll admit that this last weekend's party was a lovely success but did push the limits of my sanity).  I hate money stress so we have a tight budget.  I don't like driving at night so I get rides.  I don't like deadlines so I try being proactive.  I get a little nervous talking in front of groups but if I prepare well, I'm not stressed.  I live in a constant state of preparedness so that I have very little opportunity to be stressed...   For my own wedding, if some element started to stress me out, I would just not do it or adjust it until it became non-stressful.  That mind-set has carried through the rest of my life.  Truly stressful things get dropped or adapted until manageable...

and then we did something crazy that can't be managed or adapted...